
Class _J^3 3_a^0JL. 
Book__I^3 Sa._ 
Copyright N" Mi_^. 

COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT. 




GENEVIEVE. 



Some Letters 



OF AN 



American Woman 



CONCERNING 



Love and Other Things 



BY 

SARAH BIDDLE 



DRAWINGS BY ANNETTA GIBSON McCALL 



philadelphia : 

International Printing Company 

1902 



■ft 3^0 2 



1<J 



THE LIBRARY OF 
CONGRESS, 

NOV.'lO 1902 

CLASS (X^y.xc. No 

COPY e. 



Copyright, 1902, 

BY 

SARAH BIDDLE. 



CONTENTS. 

PAGE. 

Letter I : ii 

Letter II 15 

Letter III 21 

Letter IV 26 

Letter V 31 

Letter VI -35 

Letter VII 38 

Letter VIII. 42 

Letter IX 48 

Letter X 54 

Letter XI 58 

Letter XII. . 62 

Letter XIII 66 

Letter XIV ■ 71 

Letter XV 76 

Letter XVI • 81 

Letter XVII • 86 

Letter XVIII. . . • 90 

Letter XIX 96 

Letter XX loi 

Letter XXI 107 

Letter XXII 113 

Letter XXIII 120 

Letter XXIV 126 

Letter XXV 132 

Letter XXVI i37 

Letter XXVII 144 

Letter XXVIII 150 

Letter XXIX 156 

Letter XXX 162 

Letter XXXI 167 

Letter XXXII 172 

Letter XXXIII. 178 

Letter XXXIV 185 

Letter XXXV • 192 



ILLUSTRATIONS. 

OPPOSITE 

PAGK y' 

Genevieve 4 

Lily 34 

Mr. Wood 44 

Sir Lionel Bedt\)r(l 52 

Westminster Al)bey, North Porch • . . 71 

The Tower 77 " 

Windsor Castle, from Tliames Sr 

Stoke-Poges Church 85 

The High Street . . . • ■ • 88 • 

The Isis and Barges 88 

View from Magdalen Tower 88 

Exeter College and Sheldonian Theatre 93 - 

Magdalen College and Bridge 93 

Christ Church — West front 93 

Stratford-on-Avon. \'iew from Memorial Gardens ... 97 

Warwick Castle, from the Bridge . . • . 103 

Paris, Les Tuileries et La Rue de Rivoli 122 

Notre Dame, Paris 134 

Versailles — Vue G^n^rale Du Chateau 141 

Abbaye de St. Denis, XII., Si^cle 157 



SOME LETTERS 

OF 

An American Woman 

CONCERNING 

Love and Other Things. 



LETTER I. 

Can it be, dear, that you are really off, and 
that months, even years, are to roll by before 
we see each other again ? This is the fate of a 
seafaring man's wife — I knew it when I married 
you one year ago, and meant to be so brave, 
and now, when the moment comes, all my 
vaunted courage gives way, and I am not one 
bit the brave wife of a courageous commander, 
but a weak woman, broken-hearted because 
her husband and lover must leave her to do his 
duty to his country. It fairly makes one hate 
one's country. What right has it to sever 
those who love each other ? Horrible dreads 
fill me. I wonder if I can live the three years 
through, or if fate, or whatever it is that ordains 
our destinies, will ever bring us together again. 

11 



12 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMEkICA^f WOMAJSf 

I know this is foolish and the result of over- 
wrought nerves. 

Dear, you have been everything to me ; you 
can scarcely know what this year's life with 
you has done for me. From you I have learned 
much. My mind, through intercourse with such 
as yours, has enlarged. I can never be too 
thankful for the happy hours with you. Can 
you imagine, beloved, what it means to one like 
me, brought up quietly, conservatively, always 
repressing my real self, to come across such 
a spirit and mind as yours? To feel that I 
could give myself out wholly, unreservedly, 
feeling sure nothing I said, nothing I did, was 
misunderstood by you. I have felt like a flower 
kept in the shade, and taught to keep its petals 
closed, suddenly picked by a strong hand and 
put in the sun, and told to unfold its petals 
to the full, and drink in the glorious sunshine of 
Heaven. How delightful the warmth that steals 
to the very heart, the sense of ease and comfort 
that reaches to the very finger tips ! Thank 
Heaven, you say that I have been so much to 
you. " Everything a woman could be." Those 
dear words of yours ring in my ears and keep 
me buoyed up ; also your promise, if danger of 
war is over, and there is any chance of your 
being stationed at some port for a length of time, 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 13 

you will send for me. I have read these words 
and engraven them on my heart, " For without 
you, my dear, loving wife and companion, 
everything seen is under a cloud and the days 
are very long and dreary." 

Your splendid belief that a woman has an in- 
dividuality, irrespective of her lord and master 
(how 1 hate that term), to be developed, used, 
accounted for just as much as his, only with 
this difference, that she must always wish to be 
feminine in whatever she does, knowing, realiz- 
ing, that she, as a woman, has many powers, 
both mental and physical. Let her develop 
them to their full, and she can, indeed, be a fine 
creature, a perfect woman ; and what could be 
finer than that? Certainly no poor deluded 
creature man, who imagines blindly that he 
holds the reins. I am sure you do not, dear, 
for I have you, have you in my heart, where 
you must stay forever. Ah, my husband, how 
I love you. There is nothing in all the world 
like a perfect union between man and woman. 
It is such that even death cannot break it. 

Yesterday, as I watched your ship steam 
slowly out of port, but oh so surely, I felt as 
if every turn of the wheel tore my heart, but 
then the sweet certainty of your great love, and 
faith in me and mine in you, a bond that even 



14 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

separation could not break, and the fond hope 
at last came over me that perhaps you would 
see me in your dreams. Fate could not keep 
apart two hearts so closely bound and the strong 
magnetism that draws us together will be sure 
to so arrange matters that you will be sending 
for me to cross the water to meet you. I will 
write every day and with all the love that is in 
me. I am and always will be yours. 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 15 



LETTER II. 

Just think, dear, two days since your depar- 
ture. I have really lived through them. How 
strange ! We live, eat, talk, when our hearts 
are torn. Such is our mechanism. The works 
grind on till the appointed time of stopping. 
Thank God, for me there is yet hope. You 
are still living and all the minutes, hours, days 
and months till our next meeting are as noth- 
ing, a watch passed in the night. It must be 
endured before the great and glorious dawn; 
the hour when we are to meet again. Thank 
you, thank you, for your letter sent me through 
the pilot. " I know that you are brave and 
will do all you can to courageously stand the 
days that must be passed before we can meet 
again. That you will keep me ever in your 
thoughts, ever holding as a beacon light before 
you the hour when I can clasp you to my heart 
again." 

Thank God, you feel as I do. Knowing this, 
nothing can daunt me. For your sake I will 
make as much of myself as I can. The days 
shall not be spent in idle mourning, for on your 
return you must find a woman broadened, deep- 



l6 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

ened, better able to give all that she would of 
herself to you, asking and knowing that she 
will receive the same from you. I love you, 
miss you ; you know the full meaning of it. 
There is nothing that you could ask I would 
not give you fully, wholly, unreservedly, as 
I want to give. To give myself I must 
be myself, give rein to my own originality, 
develop myself and all the powers that are 
within me. How I despise the woman who 
says, " I think so because my husband does, I 
act so because my husband does," and so on 
ad injinilum. I know you dislike her, too, 
otherwise you w^ould never have chosen me. I 
can never be a man's slave. I want to be his 
companion, his love, everything, knowing that 
he respects the individual in me and would hold 
me as nothing if I did not develop this. I in 
return demanding from him the man, the 
strength, the support, the encouragement his 
stronger development ought to give, willingly 
acknowledg-ing his superiority, knowing with- 
out him I could not develop to the full measure 
of my being. 

There, dear, what do you think of my ideas 
regarding the attitude of man to woman ? Per- 
haps you will laugh at my heroics, but oh how 
I wish I could hear the ring of that laugh in my 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 17 

ear. Remember I will not give up and you 
shall find me all the better for the struggle with 
my longing for you whilst we are separated by 
cruel fate. Why cannot science find some 
means of eliminating space ? I suppose she 
will some day when you and I are long since 
passed the boundary from which no traveler 
returns. How I wish we could go hand and 
hand together, then I should have no childish 
dread of the dark. Perhaps on the other side 
we will laugh at our baby fears, all things hav- 
ing become clear as day in the grand sunlight. 
Do you know, cheri, I fear I am not very 
religious, leaving all things to unfold them- 
selves in due season. The Puritanical teach- 
ing of my early days could never find ground 
to flourish in my poor heretical heart. Every- 
thing was so repressing. I love to expand. 
How fortunate that you appeared on the scene 
and taught me how to give up to the very joy 
of living, with the free determination to use 
every power given me. You hold the reins and 
know when to give a gentle pull on the curb 
and I answer to your slightest touch, know- 
ing in your hands the race is safe and we are 
sure both to reach the goal. Alone I never 
could. The mere fact you live, breathe and 
care for me makes me exert every fibre of my 



lO SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

being to do my best. As long as you live and 
want me I must live. Harry, what do you sup- 
pose happened last evening ? I went to church 
with cousin Mary, Now you know how I dis- 
like going with her, she is so full of gloom and 
the direful consequences in the next world of 
any misstep in this. She came in and said that 
all our trials were sent to us so as not to let us 
think too much of this world, and that when we 
had set our hearts on any thing that was 
the thing we must be willing to sacrifice. That 
I thought too much of you and if I went on in 
this way something would surely happen to 
you. As for her she could not imagine caring 
for any man as I did for you. Poor thing, she 
has never been married ; history says has never 
had an offer ; half her life denied her ; but she 
had a very uncomfortable eiifect on me and 
creeps seemed to go up and down my back at 
the awful fear of some terrible calamity befalling 
you as retribution to me. 

I hastened to don my hat and go. Such a 
lugubrious sermon, as we had. We were told 
we must think nothing of the things of this 
world at all, and were to welcome afflictions as 
great joys, inasmuch as they were meant to 
strengthen our characters. But cannot joy help 
us ? Surely it is not necessary to walk through 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 19 

a vale of woe to reach the promised land. I 
do so want to be happy, happy, happy ; have 
you near me and bask in the sunshine of your 
love. I know I am better for it, and come what 
will, nothing- can take from me the joy of the few 
months' intercourse with you. I was very much 
depressed, and would scarcely speak to cousin 
Mary at all. I know I was very disagreeable, 
but I just could not help it. I did not ask her 
to stay ; I could not, and, fortunately, just then 
the waitress announced Miss Lily Crosby. My 
heart leaped with joy, for you know how fond 
I am of her, and I was quite sure that cousin 
Mary could not remain talking with such frivo- 
lous creatures. Sure enough, ten minutes after 
Lily's arrival she took her departure. Dear 
Lily was simply perfect ; a balm to my poor 
distracted heart. She was very sweet and sym- 
pathetic, and said if she were your wife she 
would feel exactly as I do, but that it would 
never do to mourn alone too much. 

"You do not want to lose your beauty, dear, 
do you, before Harry comes back? If you 
keep yourself shut up here crying your eyes 
out, and going to church with cousin Mary, you 
will be a sight!" 

Her laugh was contagious ; and what do you 
think, Harry, she has made me promise to do? 



20 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

Go with her to-morrow to Atlantic City for a 
few weeks, and then, you will scarcely guess, 
cross the ocean for a few months' trip with her, 
I acting as chaperon. Dear, I had always hoped 
first to cross with you, but I cannot help being- 
delighted to go, for I know first and foremost, 
it will help make the time pass between now 
and our next most longed-for meeting. Be- 
sides, what do you suppose Lily's idea is ? We 
are to study all the pictures we can in London 
and Paris, and when we return, get a studio and 
paint whatever and whoever we can next winter. 
We are to make a business of it, otherwise, she 
says, it will be no fun ; and it is so entertain- 
ing to paint any delightful stranger that comes 
along. She tells me you would think this splen- 
did. So, dear, I have consented. To-morrow 
we start for Atlantic City for two weeks, first 
buying our tickets on the Patricia, sailing two 
weeks from next Wednesday. But whatever 
Lily is and wherever I am, you are always the 
fust, and all my efforts are for you. 
I am always and ever yours. 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 21 



LETTER III. 

Dear Heart : 

Lily and I came down to Adantic City yester- 
day and here we are at the Brighton for two 
weeks prior to saiUng. I must tell you of a 
curious incident. After dinner we walked to 
the end of the pier to watch the sea with the 
moon shining brightly on the waves as one 
after another rolled in, in unending succession, 
the rhythm of the undulating, unerring move- 
ment making us both very sleepy and me very 
sad and lonely thinking, thinking of you and 
wondering if you were watching the waves and 
dreaming of me as I of you. I think I must 
have fallen asleep. Suddenly I seemed to 
awaken to the fact that you were beside me ; 
surely you were there, holding me tight, your 
kiss was upon my brow, and a feeling as if an 
understanding as never before existed between 
us. A sense of utter comfort crept over me, 
you were there. I felt your arms about me, 
my head was upon your shoulder and your 
breath upon my brow. Surely one could live 
thus satisfied forever. Then a desire to speak, 
to hear your voice, came upon me. For a sec- 



22 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

ond I hesitated, a knowledge seemed to come 
over me that if I spoke you would glide away 
from me in the moonlight far, far away upon the 
waves, but foolish, as all human beings are, not 
content with what they have, I made an effort 
to speak, I struggled, but my words of undying 
love would not come. Try as I would I could 
not speak, but you held me tighter, tighter; our 
eyes met in one long look of eternal love. At 
last, and woe to me, my voice came and as I 
spoke you began to disappear and to float out 
over the waves. I uttered a cry, full of misery, 
then I felt a hand on my arm and Lily exclaim- 
ing, " Genevieve, wake up !" With a start I 
was upon my feet, but my dream — or was it a 
dream ? — had faded away and you were nowhere 
to be seen. I could not tell my experience to 
Lily, I felt it too deeply and only urged her to 
return to the house ; I could not watch those 
waves any more. 

We soon reached the hotel, and going im- 
mediately to my room and flinging myself on 
my bed I sobbed myself to sleep in the utter 
weariness of a lonely woman, crying her heart 
out for him who was far away on the great 
deep. What were you doing ? What were you 
thinking ? Only for one word, one crumb of 
comfort ; but not a sound upon the dead still- 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 2,'} 

ness of the night, and then all became a blank. 
I had wafted out upon the waters of sleep. 

As I awoke this morning the bright light 
came streaming into my windows, bringing 
quiet and peace to my soul with its beams. I have 
promised Lily for your sake and hers, for who 
could be sweeter, lovelier and braver than she, 
always loyal and faithful and the best of friends, 
to be as brave as possible, and to start this very 
day with her to paint. You know we both took 
a few lessons several winters ago and were told 
that we had decided talent, but this remains to 
be seen, and what the public may think of our 
efforts. 

We have taken two good-sized studios in 
New York, and intend furnishing them very 
prettily and attractively, meaning, at least, to 
be successful in offering good cups of afternoon 
tea to our friends, and then, if they wish to buy 
our landscapes and have their portraits painted, 
so much the better. 

I know you will not mind my doing this, 
dear. Of course you give me everything I 
want, and I need nothing so far as money is 
concerned, but somehow it will be fun to try to 
do what I can and to have a few pennies in my 
pocket actually made by myself. This I will 
give to poor sailors. At any rate all artists 



24 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

have a right to what their talent may bring. 
Can I possibly ever claim to be among their 
ranks? Just think, you may one day be the 
husband of a noted woman ! Don't be fright- 
ened ; I shall never be very terrible, and shall 
always reach up to my splendid, commanding 
husband. There, dear, am I flattering you too 
much? 

Well, beloved, I am off now to try my hand at 
a beautiful little quiet spot on the beach, hidden 
a little from the glare of Atlantic City, Brigan- 
tine Beach in the distance and the waves break- 
ing upon the bar. Somehow the lights on the 
waves glitter and sparkle and all seems full of 
joy, and you, dear, seem nearer, and a feeling 
of certainty comes over me that we will surely 
meet again and not far distant. Strange how 
the sun and dancing waves wa^t away many of 
the woes that fill our hearts. 

Do not be worried over our trip, mein herz- 
chen. I know we can take good care of ourselves. 
Lily speaks such good French and German ; 
she has been abroad before. She is so full of 
excitement over our trip and all the adventures 
she knows we are to have. If it were not for 
being separated from you, dear, I should be 
full of delight, too ; but I do not intend to mar 
her pleasure with a long face but will try to 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 25 

enjoy it all myself, and in this way make time 
pass until we meet again. 

Write me, love, if you had any feeling that 
you were with me the night I dreamed we met. 
Is there anything in mental telepathy ? 

Dearest as ever and always, 
' Yours. 



26 SOME LETTERS OK AN AMERICAN WOMAN 



LETTER IV. 

Dearest : 

Another day has gone, and such a beautiful 
one, too. The air as clear as ether, the sun 
brilliant but tempered by a soft, gentle breeze, 
one must let one's worries go and enjoy the 
heaven-born day. 

Lily and I had a late breakfast and sauntered 
out to finish our landscape, which we are both 
much pleased with, feeling sure we have made 
a beginning and must rise to the heights of true 
artists. Do not laugh when you read this, but 
I know you will approve of our attempts at any 
rate. 

An old artist wandering around lit upon us 
and walked up to give us a view point. An 
old Scotchman, full of himself, who paints fairly 
well, and has some charming little English and 
American scenes for sale. The only trouble 
with him is that he thinks no one knows any- 
thing but himself, and he uprooted all our 
cherished hopes, coldly running down all that 
we considered our best points but still he 
thought with a little practice we might do 
better and our trip to Europe where we could 



CONCKHNING LOVE AND OTIIKK THINCS. 27 

study real art would be of inestimable value to 
us. He was something of a damper to our 
ardent spirits and at last, with evident hints, 
we managed to get rid of him. But you know 
how hard it is to get anything into a Scotch- 
man's head ! 

After painting for an hour or so we decided 
to go to the pier and watch the wonderful 
crowds. Such a mixture ! Well dressed women 
sitting alongside of somebody's cook. Each 
enjoying the same shows. Is there anywhere 
over the globe such a place as Atlantic City ? 
Surely, nowhere. It is a kingdom of itself, a 
sight no traveler can miss who considers him- 
self anything of a globe trotter, and wishes to 
hold that reputation. 

We were enjoying our study of human 
nature thrown helter-skelter together, when 
suddenly a voice announced, " Adgie and her 
lions ; the most wondeful show of this or any 
age." Surely, we must see this and we follow, 
rush, wedge in between this fat woman and 
that lean man, a sticky, molasses-faced child and 
madame from New York with all her latest 
frills. We find ourselves seated just below the 
cage enclosing the three fierce, splendid look- 
ing lions ; one lion (a Morman with two wives), 
such magnificent creatures ; willowy, lithe, 



28 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

sinewy. Expectant, flushed Adgie appears. 
The lions prick up their ears, and as the music 
sounds, become uneasy and excited, walk 
quickly from side to side, at first slowly then 
more quickly, for somehow the rush of the 
crowd and the clash of the music portends 
some awful catastrophe. What is this ? Adgie 
in all her glory ; red satin petticoat, black lace 
flounce, bolero jacket and gold buttons, black 
and streaming hair with red roses, humming 
her troubadour song. 

The cage is opened, one scarcely breathes as 
the animals, all alert, watch for their prey. 
Bang goes the gate, and she is caged with 
those splendid creatures all alone. Surely, 
they will answer to her magnificent nerve ; 
something in her very atmosphere compels 
them to obey. 

Giving a dumb look of adoration, round and 
round they go obeying every flash of her 
eye, over hurdles, through rings, crouching in 
corners, springing over her outstretched leg. 
Never was there to their eyes such a woman. 
She catches her foot, for one moment is down 
and they now think to revolt. An angry growl, 
a roar, the heart of the audience scarcely 
beats. Could one live and see her torn to 
pieces before one's eyes ? But, no ; she is up, 



Concerning love and other things. 29 

smiling, holding her rod before their eyes with 
a steady hand. They know their mistress and 
decide to give in. 

Who knows when that day will come when 
she will miss her step and spring up too late ? 
The beasts of the forest know their power. 
Suddenly, perhaps a scratch, and their passion 
for blood be up. Heaven help her in that hour. 
Fortunately for us the show ended peacefully. 
We left the amphitheatre with beating hearts, 
rejoicing that we had escaped the horror of see- 
ing her torn to bits. 

Each day I wonder, wonder where you are, 
how far off, and if often our thoughts do not 
meet together, unable to resist the great attrac- 
tion that lies between us, a force so powerful 
that distance, no matter how great, cannot 
overcome it. 

Last evening we met a very attractive young 
woman with her husband ; so happy, so de- 
lighted, in the companionship of each other. It 
fairly made me ill, a jealous rage seemed to fill 
my soul, and I almost hated them for their joy. 
Ah, dear, was there ever such love as ours? 
The same vows, the same words have passed 
between so many and each one proudly believes 
in his egotism of love that his is the greatest love 
of all. Fond and happy delusion, but true for 



30 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

each individual. For tliem the whole world is 
composed of naught but the loved one. 

We are meeting some pleasant people, who 
serve to pass the time, and among them a very 
nice young New Yorker, who seems quite inter- 
ested in our trip, and I feel sure is becoming 
decidedly epris with Lily. The latter says I 
must not be too prim but enter into the " fun," 
as she calls it, and enjoy being a grass widow. 
Did you ever hear anything like her ? I have 
promised not to spoil the sport at any rate, and 
be a most sensible chaperon who sees very 
little. But, dear heart, never for one moment 
shall this heart of mine stop beating, beating 
for you, until the last great throb, and even 
then it shall be a long unending hush for you — 
always — always Yours. 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 31 



LETTER V. 

Dearest : 

I take up my pen again to write all that is in 
my heart to you, but that can be told in a few 
words, " I love you." Oh, how I miss you ; 
but still, dear, I intend to keep up and try 
to be as bright as possible. I must remem- 
ber how many there are who have not 
what I have. Just having read " Sir Richard 
Calmady," makes one feel thankful that such 
awful calamities have not befallen one, but then 
how few have such a dreadful path to walk. 
It seems almost an outrage to write such 
horrors; what good can come of it? What 
moral can the writer wish to point that could 
not be gained by a healthier, truer book ? The 
intense sensuous descriptions of abnormal con- 
ditions make one almost sick and wonder how 
anyone, especially a woman, could write such 
things. The more abnormal the situation the 
more deeply the author cuts into it with her 
knife and dissects it for us. A feeling of revolt 
seizes one ; why should she conjure up such 
horrors ? A truly racy, healthy book, though 
against the code of general morals, leaves one 



32 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

in a far more normal condition, for at least it 
does not sin against nature. This monstrous 
growth of a morbid mind cannot fail to leave a 
very unwholesome impression upon one, to 
make one feel the sooner such a book is con- 
signed to oblivion the better. One thing one can 
say for it, it holds one's attention to the end, 
and one cannot help admiring the magnificent 
superhuman character of the mother and pity- 
ing intensely the son, feeling he should be 
forgiven anything, and wondering how he over- 
came himself so finely. 

Such a sail as Lily, Mr. Wood and I had 
to-day ; it fairly made one intoxicated with the 
pleasure of drinking in the ozone of the air. 
To be alive seemed good ; the only drawback 
to me was your absence. I wonder, dear, if it 
is good to tell you all this — after all you ought 
to be very thankful the heart of a woman in 
this great world beats for you so truly, so 
steadily as this of mine. Do you appreciate it? 
I think, love, you do from all you say and 
write, but just think how long I must wait for 
my answer. You have promised to write each 
day, and at the first opportunity, send the whole 
book as you call it, to me. I know this, dear, 
no book could be read with more avidity than 
yours will be by me. How selfish and egotistical 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 33 

love is ; nothing is of any importance to me 
except you, and here I am just living and 
waiting, working and breathing for you. The 
sea breezes have blown away much of my fear 
that something would happen to you and I feel 
a certainty come over me that before the year 
is out we will meet again. 

Mr. Wood says he intends joining our party 
and sails with us next Wednesday week in the 
Patricia. We sail in her for Plymouth. She 
is a slow boat but we want the voyage and I 
shall feel that we are on the water together. 
That will be something, anyway. I am very 
much excited about the trip, for how could I 
help it? This is my first, and to see foreign 
shores seems almost too good. I will write 
you my impressions, feelings, etc., and you 
must tell me what you think of them. You 
have been so often and know so much and how 
I had hoped first to step on foreign soil with 
you, but that is not to be, and I must take what 
is given me. I hope I shall not be ill, but some- 
how I think I am so interested and delighted to 
step on board one of those ocean greyhounds 
that I simply could not be. 

Mr. Wood seems so infatuated with Lily I think 
I will have to pretend to be blind, sometimes, 
at any rate. It will be so pleasant to have Mr. 



M SOMK LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

Wood, for without a man in Europe, I hear a 
woman is pretty woU out of j:)lace. You can be 
sure that I.ily and I want to see everything. I 
being a chaperon, can be allowed everywhere. 
Are you frightiMied ? Well, at any rate, I 
promise to tell }'ou all, so this will make you, 
or ought to, feel better. Perhaps you are won- 
dering about our painting. Really, I am so 
pleased with our attempts, I almost think we 
have made artists of ourselves already. At 
any rate, we are as pleased as children over 
the result of our efforts, and surely we have put 
on canvas something of the beauty of the morn- 
ing and sea and beach. Lily's almost wafted a 
sea breeze, and I could smell the salt air. 

Dear Heart, forgive me for all my nonsense, 
but remember the saddest moments and the 
deepest longings of one's heait are often con- 
cealed in this way. And is it not best? Al- 
ways — always Love — 

Yours. 




.^.^^f^"--.' j^, 



A 



{j>- 



LII-Y. 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER TIIINCJS. 35 



LETTER VI. 

Dear Heart: 

Our visit here has come to an end, and to- 
morrow we start for New York and sail the day 
after. I really am very much excited to think 
we shall be off in two days. It will bring me 
nearer to you. I shall think, dream of you on 
the waters, feeling- a happiness in the knowledge 
that you are on the great deep, too. Dear, we 
shall have to try and forget that you are on the 
Pacific and not the Atlantic ! 

I hope you will not think me dreadful for 
enjoying myself so much whilst you are away, 
but, sweetheart, I cannot hv\p feeling my heart 
beat quite rapidly at the thought of all the new 
wonders I am to see, or, I should say, old won- 
ders, so old some of them that one can scarcely 
breathe at the thought. Lily says that I am 
going to be thrilled through and through, and 
dares to predict that I will almost forget you 
entirely. This you know, dear, can never, 
never be ; you are too much mine ; the cord 
that binds us is too strong to break. 

I have a funny theory to-night, mon mari ; 
if ever you should tire of the binding 1 should 



36 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

wish to set you loose, to loose the cord and let 
you free to go where'er you wished ; no love 
that is bound unwillingly is worth the having. 
But, dear, with you I have no fear that the de- 
sire will ever come. 

What strange creatures you men are — bind 
you and you wish to go, let you loose and you 
wish to be held. How well if more women 
learned this creed, and by so doing held their 
husbands lovers to the end. 

How I should hate a cold, practical husband 
who was no lover at all. Dear, I know this 
awful, shameful truth. If ever you became such 
an one your bird would break her chains for- 
ever, leave the cage, defying you to bring her 
back. Dreadful this seems, does it not ? But 
as I love you, I have no fear of this and all my 
trust in you is great, and into your keeping 
have I given it, believing the gift will never be 
returned. Really, I know I could be an awful 
woman if deceived, reckless, daring ; revenge 
would take hold of me and woe to the poor man. 
But then, I do so hate a woman without spirit, 
don't you? 

To-morrow we shall be on the great deep. 
How I long to hear the tranquilizing wish-wash 
of the waves against the great steamer ; and 
also I feel a great desire to witness a storm at 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 37 

sea. I almost pray for this, but Lily says I am 
tempting Providence, and that she will back out 
at the last moment if I keep on with my evil 
supplications, as she knows if I am answered 
she will have to remain in the lower regions and 
this she does not look forward to. How strange 
this world is ; topsy-turvy, one man's meat 
another man's poison. 

Mr. Wood has been attending to all the last 
matters, tickets, chairs, rugs, etc., and he really 
is a nice young man and a very necessary ad- 
junct to the party. He shows decided liking 
for Lily, and there's no telling what may happen 
before our trip is over. 

We take a look at our new studio to-morrow 
before leaving New York, and I intend picking 
up as many pretty things as possible on the 
other side of the water to give our rooms as 
foreign a look as possible. Even if our pictures 
are failures, certainly our rooms must not be. 
At least, the artistic sense of the fitness of things 
must be carried out here. 

Always, and always until time ceases to be, 
and even after that 

Yours. 



38 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 



LETTER VII. 

Dearest : 

We are off upon the briny deep, and there 
is no going back. Whatever the experiences 
we are to taste, whatever may be ahead of us 
we must now face. 

What strange dehght fills one's soul at the 
thought of the unknown ahead, a mixture of 
fear and pleasure and keen delight. The look- 
ing forward, the hope of adventure, all make 
up the joy of living. This is the joy of youth, 
eternal hope, dreams of happiness that is to 
come. The greatest sorrow of old age is the lack 
of looking forward, the certainty, cold certainty, 
of things as they are. To this we must all 
come, but let us hope that during the in be- 
tween, the time 'twixt youth and age, we may 
write down in the book of life a story, full 
interesting to read, to fill our last hours with 
hope that in the shadowy country beyond this 
we may continue to write a sequel far fuller, far 
grander than this first volume, in that we have 
learned the meaning and secret of life and death 
and all things. But to this end we must be 
working, not dreaming, no fate so dire as that 



CONCERNING LO\E AND OTHER THINGS. 39 

of the dreamer who wakes up at the last mo- 
ment and finds his fife gone and nothing 
accomplished — no volume written. 

Well, dear, now for what I hope to write, and 
believe me I intend to try and make it interest- 
ing ; you as my hero how can it help being ? In 
writing yours do not forget to write me down 
your heroine. You see I demand what I give — I 
must, this is the selfishness of me ; I cannot 
help it. But what love is worth anything that 
does not demand all and the very highest ? 

The air is delicious to-day, the sun warm and 
life-giving, and I fairly revel lying out in my 
chair, drinking in the ozone and allowing the 
breeze to play as it will with my hair, full of 
what I am to see and do and how I will write 
it all to you. I could not enjoy it half so much 
were it not all to be written for you. 

Confessions are good for the soul, and when 
one has such a one as you to pour everything 
out to, well, then life may perfect be. But one 
must be very sure to choose the right confessor. 

Lily and I have a nice outside stateroom and 
as we awoke this morning, feeling the motion 
of the boat, knowing we were ofif, a delicious 
delight seized us and we laughed with joy, just 
as children in pleasure at new experiences. 
The German band started that most dismal of 



■40 soMi". ii'vni'.Ks ov AN ami:ki(An woman 

dirges MiiiiDiuuiii^" hriMklast. What it is called I 
do not know iior care to, it is horrible. Win' the\- 
wish to engender a deep nostalgia tor lu)me and 
the loved one, far, lar away, one does not know 
and it simply seems fiendish. This rudely in- 
terfered with mv pleasurable feelings on awak- 
tMiing, and ruuling nnsc^lf oil" for new shores ami 
experiiMiccs ami thinking it wouUl lu^lp me much 
to bear the sorrow of biMng separatetl from vou. 
Lily saiii it made her feel as if some awful thing 
was going to hapjien and that our last hour had 
conu\ tlu^ boat go down im" something ec]ualb' 
tinribliv I asked hcv i>lease to stop. Fortu- 
nat(>lv slu> and the music Ix^th did and we 
lunriinl out on diH^k to fuul Mr. \\\hh1 awaiting 

us smilingK', but exclaiming. " 1) that 

nuisii" ! " 

Kxcusc^ that, but, dear, it is the wa\- wc^ felt, 
tiH> ! OlT to breakfast we wiMit, eviM-vone was 
there, no one in this charming weather could be 
possibly ujvsc^ ami stay below. And now, here 
we arc\ mn'cls in hantl, on deck, well ami com- 
fortably seated in our chairs and I am trying 
like a dutiful chaperon not to overhear Lily 
and Mr. W\hm1. They do have such misumler- 
standings, but then they seem to enjoy the 
(UMightful " mak(.> ups" decitliHlly, they give a 
a long time to them and sometimes the poor 



(•()N( I'.KNINi; l.()\l'. ANK oriii.n ■iiiiN(;s. II 

cliapcion L^cis ;i lilllc wcaiN'. Such is lilc, lull 
of many wcai y inoiiiciils and we nuisl nol I'or- 
i^cl thai wc have helped to j^ivc some other poor 
eha|)oron many a tin^some moment. 

The hreexe is hlovvinj^ deheioush', and one 
cannot helj) feeUnj^- hfe is worth livinj^- and wish 
to join in the soul,*- of all nature which seems to 
come horn I lie four corners of the earth and to 
roll in one lon^- drawn-out chord to the skies, 
"God's in His heaven, all's well with the earth." 

In this spirit dear I say at( m'oir to you and 
feel that lime will t^row winj^s to hel|) me over 
the road between now and our mcetinj.,''. I look 
lor a lonj^, lonjjf letter in London, a budget. 
What joy the thou^dit of it. 

Yours always and ever. 



42 SOMIC LKTTKKS OK AN AMKKICAN WOMAN 



LETTER VIII. 
Dearest : 

Such beautiful weather as we have had, but I 
fear it may be " the calm before the storm." 
How often this is the case both in physical 
and human nature. Too long a spell of good 
temper is sure to end in a spell of bad. This I 
know from experience ! To-day the sky is per- 
fect, not a cloud to be seen save a few fleecy 
ones, scudding here and there as if there was 
no responsibility under the sun, pitying us poor 
mortals for worrying so over our lives when 
nothing really matters after all. There, this is 
the effect it has upon me to-day, perhaps a bad 
one, but then my mood may change by to-night 
as the clouds in the sky. 

We are enjoying our trip across the ocean, 
the lazy days none too long, to lie out in our 
chairs, each breath we draw adding new life 
and hope to our hearts. You, dear, seem 
nearer, yet nearer, and each day one less till 
our meeting. It is sure to come soon. I know 
it, I feel it. 

We have made some very pleasant friends on 
board, among them a Sir Lionel Bedford of 



CONCI'.KNINf; I.OVI'-, AM) ()riIi:K I'lllNCS. 43 

England. He proves a very entertaining and 
pleasant fellow passenger. Lily's and my en- 
thusiasm over our trip seems to interest and 
amuse him. He promises to help us enjoy 
ourselves in London and guide us to some in- 
teresting spots. He wants us to come to his 
sister's country home for a day or two. It is 
probable we will, for nothing would delight us 
more than to witness some luiglish country life. 
Perhaps his sister will turn her high bred little 
— or shall I say big — nose up at the idea of en- 
tertaining some American plebeians 1 

There are several good singers on board, and 
in the evening we enjoy charming concerts ; 
sometimes play that game that seems to hold 
undying, though insipid interest — sniff. At 
any rate it helps to pass the time. Every day 
I think of and long for you. No matter how 
bright we all are, my heart is ever thinking of 
you. Sometimes I get a little dreamy, wishing 
for you and knowing you could add so much 
to the brightness of the party. They are none 
of them half as clever as you, and it does 
annoy me to have them tease me about my fits 
of distraction. Asking me where my thoughts 
are, where I have flown, and please to come 
back and help them through the tedium of 
everyday life. I have to respond and hold my 



44 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

own, and tell them they are too densely stupid 
to understand what it is to really care for and 
love another creature better than oneself. Sir 
Lionel looked very serious when I said this, 
and a deep sigh escaped him, as he answered : 
" One could not always judge by appearances." 
I wonder what his story is ? I must find out. 
My feminine curiosity is aroused, as well as a 
deep sympathy for any fellow-suflferer. Perhaps 
it would do him good to talk to me. He is very 
kind and indefatigable in doing all he can for 
us, 

Lily and Mr. Wood are continually convers- 
ing. She, as you know, is full of wit and 
humor, and he has to keep his brains sharpened 
not to let her get ahead of him. I am begin- 
ning to think there may be something between 
them. Certainly there are signs, and they both 
go up and down in their tempers towards each 
other. When Lily has offended Mr. Wood 
beyond all hope, he comes to me, and I have to 
listen by the hour to his woes. But he is a dear 
fellow, and I must sympathize and tell him how 
to manage that most delightful but unmanage- 
able person — Lily. 

Mr. Wood, in one of his deep despairs the 
other morning, came to me and, during his 
confession, let fall the remark that he did not 




MR. WOOD. 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHKK THINGS. 45 

see how any man ever managed to understand 
or control his wife. 

I answered, being a woman, that no man ever 
did, and he had better drop that ambition im- 
mediately, as it was sure to be nipped in the 
bud. Fortunately, he laughed, and soon ap- 
peared quite himself again. Lily appeared at 
that moment from below with cushions, rugs, 
books, etc., with a most sweet and engaging 
and helpless smile. The litde wretch, she 
wanted to be helped. Certainly, she got what 
she wanted. Mr. Wood was on his feet in a 
minute, found Lily's chair, picking up this, 
that and the other thing which, of course, all 
dropped. 

But, after much time, for it seemed to me 
unnecessary, Lily was seated and tucked in 
most comfortably, and I took up my book, but 
kept one eye open on them, my interest being 
much awakened. I could only hear a word or 
two now and then, but certainly matters were 
going smoothly and quite rapidly. I would 
catch, now and again, such words : 

" Dearest, you cannot keep me waiting much 
longer!" Answer: " Perhaps, who knows, if 
you keep up like this, being so very nice and 
helpful, I may not be able to do withtmt you." 
And he : " If that is the case, you shall find me 



46 SOMK l.IiTTKKS OF A.N AMl'lvHAN WOMAN' 

indispensable, and I will have my answer, ' yes,' 
S(HMi whether you will or nn." 

I heartl a little soft launh and was sure Lily 
was van(|uished. This was the ri^ht tone with 
her ; the tone oi command and strength would 
conquer, the weak, love-sick swain could never 
win. But, dear, how homesick all this made me. 
I felt like screamint^ with pain, a tig^ht clutch 
around my heart and a longing to hear sweet 
foolish wtMcis from you. Sometimes one almost 
envies those who never loved at all. At least 
they cannot suffer pain ; but strange creatures 
that we are, no one worth the name would give 
up this sweet though agonizing pain of love to 
be among those who never suRered. 

1 felt the tears spring into my eyes and at 
this moment who should turn up but Sir Lionel. 
He dropped into a seat alongside me and said, 
"Why those tears, lady fair, can I not help you 
in some way to wipe and dry them?" Then 
he began to talk ; told me tales of his travels 
in India, Japan, Europe. Being a most inter- 
esting raciMiteur, he soon made me forget my- 
self and remember there were many others in 
the world with far, far worse sullering than 
mine — much joy in the world, too. 

Then we talked of what we would do in 
London and this fills me with great andcipa 



CONCKUNIN(; I,OVIC AND OTItl'.K 'IIKNfJS. 17 

tion, never liavinj^'- put foot upon the old world 
before. 

Dearest, remember, through all and every 
seeue, though I am bound to enjoy each one, 
you shall never be absent from my thoughts 
and shall hold supreme sway there. 

As ever and always 

Yours. 



48 SOMK LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 



LETTER IX. 
Dear Heart : 

As I anticipated, the storm came last evening 
alter the chiy of cahn. As we went in to dinner 
the wind seemed to be rising to a very shriek, 
tiie waves mountain higli and to be shutting us 
in from tlie outside world which we were never 
destined to see again. 

Very few seats were taken at table, most 
of the passengers having gone below. Lily, 
Sir Lionel, Mr. Wood and I, after our very try- 
ing dinner, everything running from one end 
of the table to another, managed to get on 
deck and into a corner where we were some- 
what sheltered. How the wind whistled, and 
the waves, rising to the sky, seemed to cry out, 
"Lost! lost! 1 am awaiting you; you cannot 
escape me!" Lily shivered and caught me by 
the arm, white to the very lips, as I know I had 
grown. Pitch and toss up and down, we seemed 
to go. At times tnie felt as if it were impossi- 
ble, so far down we went, ever to come up. 
The time had come for us to learn the mysteries 
of the deej:), onlv known to those who go down 
at sea, secrets so deep that we could not grasp 



CONCKKNING LOVE AND OTHEK THINGS. 49 

them unless we had passed to the other side 
through the great waters. And yet through 
all this fear a great grandeur thrilled one's soul, 
for what so magnificent as a storm at sea ? Or 
what so fills one with a sense of the great and 
wonderful, though cruel forces of nature? How 
litde we human beings beside it. How pitiful 
to imagine ourselves superior. 

We were not far from the shores of England 
but this added to our anxiety. A fog seemed 
to be gathering. What if in this turbulent sea 
we should meet another vessel ? Even the men 
who had kept our courage up through every- 
thing till now, grew anxious and nervous and 
a quiet fell upon our party. How long we re- 
mained thus I cannot say, only I know to me 
ages seemed to have passed, and yet only a few 
minutes. For some time our horns had been 
blowing. Suddenly out of the darkness a black 
object loomed, a sudden crash ; for a moment 
the appalling stillness of the grave, then shrieks, 
hurrying of men, women and children. Voices 
coming out of the darkness, but I felt as if I 
could not move, had never moved, had always 
been there awaiting this moment, the voices of 
the sea were apparently nearer, nearer, shriek- 
ing in their delight, " I have you now ; you 
cannot escape me ; you are mine ; my home is 



50 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

in the great deep, and there I will take you far, 
far away from your love and he shall never find 
you." 

I think no one who has not been through 
such an experience can imagine the agony of 
such moments. 

For awhile I seemed to lose consciousness of 
where I was. I only knew we were all together, 
voices were speaking, prayers were being offered 
to God above to help us. How all, be they 
atheist or believer, turn to the Almighty at such 
times. At last I came to myself. Sir Lionel 
and Mr. Wood had secured life preservers for 
us but told us to stay where we were ; not to 
attempt to get into a small boat in such a wild 
sea. No one could be saved, and if at the last 
we must risk our lives to a small craft on the 
boiling waves we would have to trust to Provi- 
dence. 

Some of the sailors had lost their heads, 
lowered a boat upon which swarmed men, 
women and children. Many of the first became 
insane, in their distraction, for this is their only 
plea and forgiveness, pushed both women and 
children aside and jumped into the boat. Away 
from the steamer it went, the men bent to the 
oars and with all their might tried to stem the 
mountains of water as they rose sky high. To 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 51 

add to the horror, but could anything now add 
to "this, the waters relentlessly engulfed the little 
boat demanding the life cargo for their own as 
indemnity for some wrong the great deep had 
suffered years, years ago. 

Suddenly the fog lifted and one could see 
the full length of a large vessel just alongside. 
The captain came near us and said, "Thank 
God, we are safe and saved, a hole was knocked 
in the other vessel but not in ours, and if those 

d sailors had obeyed orders and kept their 

heads no lives would have been lost. If the fog 
lifts sufficiently and the storm abates we can 
reach Plymouth to-morrow and tow the vessel 
Sussex in with us." 

So stunned was I at the awful experience we 
had just gone through I could not gather my- 
self together for some minutes, and sat like a 
stone with Lily's cold hand in mine. Sir Lionel's 
voice rose above the storm in reassuring accents, 
" Twenty minutes ago I thought we were all to 
be drowned and together were to go hand in 
hand to that land beyond. But, thank God, we 
are not called upon yet to step upon its shores." 

He went below and in a moment brought 
both Lily and me a glass of whiskey, which he 
insisted upon our taking, and somehow it 
geemed to revive our sunken spirits, and we 



52 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

awoke to the fact we were alive and were still 
to live. As by magic the storm ceased, £ind 
the waves gradually became smaller and smaller, 
the fog lifted and we were safe. 

We had been on our right course, but the 
Sussex, a smaller vessel, had lost her bearing, 
and before she knew it, had run into us. Mr. 
Wood and Lily remained very near each other, 
hand in hand, feeling that once having been so 
near death together, they could never be sepa- 
rated. And so may it be is my earnest prayer 
for them. Sir Lionel came to me with a half 
humorous, half sad laugh, and said : " May I 
sit near you, having no one to care whether I 
live or die?" How sorry I feel for him. My 
thoughts were on you, dear, far away, wonder- 
ing if surely you had not some intuition of this 
danger I had gone through. 

How dreadful it seems ; Sir Lionel has no 
one to care for him. A feeling of deep pity 
came over me, such as all good women must 
feel for any lonely creature. I put out my 
hand and touched his with some words of sym- 
pathy. It was icy cold. I asked him if there 
was anything I could do, and he replied ; " No, 
I have been a fool and must bear my suffering 
myself." 

How I wish some fine woman, able to care, 




SIR LIONEL BEDFORD. 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 53 

would come across his path and help him to 
that ideal happiness, the love of a strong man 
and woman for each other. Thank God, dear, 
I am saved to meet you again. How I look 
for that budget of letters sure to be awaiting 
me in London. I shall read them as never 
book was read before. 

Dearest, until we meet again, ever and al- 
ways 

Yours. 



54 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 



LETTER X. 

Dearest : 

We have landed. Can it be true? Am I 
really in England? In the old world of which 
one has heard and read so much? We came 
in sight of Plymouth at seven this morning. 
Of course, Lily and I were up at five, dressed 
and watching on deck the outlines of the old, 
old countrv of merrio England, as they grew 
gradually nn)re distinct. Such a lovely early 
morning, the air with that freshness it never 
has save at the earliest hours of dawn. A few 
clouds overcast the sun, which was then peep- 
ing out from behind them, throwing a silvery 
light over all, softening the coloring of the 
scene before us, and, indeed, prtKiucing a most 
beautiful picture. This I should like to paint, 
and trust, perhaps, in time to reach that desired 
point in artistic ability. 

Lily and I took our paints out and tried a 
most disappointing daub. But then nothing 
would at this moment have come near the 
delight of the i:)icture in our eye. Not even 
the most famous of artists could have repro- 
duced what we saw. How charming the green 
fields, small squares as they seemed to me. 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTIIKK THINGS. Af) 

reaching- to the water's edge, a castle on one of 
the distant hills, houses here and there with 
quaint gables, and the fort to the front. One 
was much impressed with the smallness and 
compactness of the country, so different from 
the width and vastness of all our American 
scenes. It reminded one of the toys bought in 
shops, boxes consisting of little painted houses, 
trees, litde men and women, animals, etc., all to 
be laid out according to our childish fancy. 

Can it be possible that this little country 
has been and is so great and grand, from 
which we ourselves have sprung and to whom 
we owe so much ? How odd and pretty the 
red sails look. In fact, everything one's eye 
lighted upon was quaintly new, yet old and 
pretty. 

Lily fortunately joined in my verdant de- 
light for she, too, had never been to England, 
having only travelled a little, so far, on the con- 
tinent. At last we came to anchor and were 
taken off in a small boat and landed on English 
soil. Sir Lionel stood beside me directing my 
eyes here and there and explaining many things 
that were new to me. He was very indulgent 
to a greenhorn like myself, telling me it was a 
great pleasure and charm to watch my enthu- 
siasm, 



Cd SOMIC LKTTIiKS OK AN AMKRICAN WOMAN 

Really, dear, I was filled to the full with deep 
feeling at this enchanting' hist view of the old 
world so long- desired by me. You can under- 
stand what I mean for I remember your telling 
me of your own feeling on your first trip abroad. 
How I wish we were together. Strange in this 
world we never have perfect happiness. Some- 
thing is always wanting, something always 
withheld. It seems st) horribly mean. You 
here and I could ask for nothing, but I suppose 
it is intended that I should not love this world 
too much. But all this seems to me so unkind. 
Why discMpline us so when we never asked to 
come ? I come very near crying sometimes, 
the pain of my longing for you is so great. Sir 
Lionel caught me with tears in my eyes — I was 
foolish enough to give way a little bit and to 
cry out how much I missed you and how 
nothing could be quite perfect without you. 
He was very quiet and gentle and told me not 
to mind him and just to use him as an outlet 
but to remember I had what many would give 
their ver>' lives for — a great and abiding love 
given and returned. 

"Just think," he said almost under his breath, 
" there lives a man who holds your heart and 
for whom your tears are shed. — thrice blessed 
man." Of course this was said to brighten me up 



CONCERNlNf; LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 57 

but I do so wish Sir Lionel could find the woman 
he wants. Surely there must be one somewhere 
for he is very good and true, and if it were not 
for you, dear, and all my heart is given to you 
for ever and ever, I could imagine being very 
fond of him. Do not be jealous, beloved, you 
know I love you with all my heart and that 
naught until the end of time and beyond that 
can change this. 

I must grasp opportunity and take in all that 
I see so as to expand for you, and myself, too, 
believing each one as an individual should 
use the powers given them. 

Always with great love, 

Yours. 



T).*^ .st)MK iivrri'-KS ov an amicrican wcuian 



LETTER XI. 

Di:ar lli'.ARr: 

We luive reached London. You can imagine 
the state I am in, fairly quiverinpf with deliq^ht. 
I must be^in at the bes^inniiii;' and tell you from 
the start. We huuled in PK inmith, were taken 
intoa little station where our trunks were weii^hed 
and tlu^ onl\- attemjU at an examinaticMi came 
from an otlu-ial who said with a laui;h, " No 
whiskey or cigars, Madam?" 1 indignantly said 
" No." " Passed." was the answer. Lily was 
much amusetland saiil. " Well, you are the only 
suspicimis Umking eharai-ter, the rest of us gi>t 
through without any questions. " 1 retorted 
that 1 did not care so long as 1 got through, 
besides it slunvi>d 1 was the most interesting 
lo(.>king mtMuber i>f tlu^ jiarty and of coursiMvas 
[H^litelv ciut\stioiuHl." 

Such a time as I had m-er n\y money and 
ehangi\ Sir Lioin'i was a gotisend, helping 
me out and preventing my being cheated " out 
of mv boots." 1 heard Lily and Mr. W^xxf 
wrangling over some of their money transac- 
tions ami 1 am inelineil to think they came out 
a little the worse for inexperience, for 1 could 



CONCKKNINC l.OVK. AND OllllK TI1IN(;S. 



59 



iu)t ^ct anything out of them as to what hap- 
pened. Sucli funny Httle coaches we were put 
into, and such a \og trot journey to London- 
shaken up and down all the time, hut 1 forgot 
about this in my joy at just looking ..ut of the 
window. Past tiny square helds, little toy hke 
gabled villages and towns, some fascmatmg 
watering place's, such curious bath-houses on 
wheels in which onc^ is rolled into the water. 1 
think I should (luite like it, a great improvement 
on our indecent way of all bathing in a hetero- 
geneous mass at Adantic City with such a 
chance to study the anatomy of legs and arms 
One fairlv sickens, there, of humanuy and 
thinks the human animal a very disgustmg 
creature. Here something is left to the miag- 
ination, and one can (hvam of possible beauties. 
On our side the cold truth confronts one. 

I must not digress too much. On, on we went, 
being jolted fairly to death, but at last after 
getting out at several stations apparently most 
unnecessarily, for we were making a bee Ime 
for London, but somehow no English trip can 
be made without numerous changes— we 
arrived at Paddington Station, London. 

I was fairly in a tumultuous state. This, the 
Mecca I had been striving to reach for so long. 
I felt as if T must be dr(>aming but was brought 



(iO SdMl l.l' ril'.KS (H' AN AMI.'.KICAn U'oMW 

to niv senses \)y a poller asking il he could j^ct 
nu' luj^qa^c. What a iiiiisaiiee this hiinliuj^" up 
of oiU''s trunks. Why eaiuiot the\' learn a little 
from us in the Uniti'd Stales and use the eheek 
SN'steni ? Mr. \\^)od and Sii Lionel, al\\'a\s 
ready tt) help, wcni in search ol th(> haj^j^ag'e, 
ruul at last we had it all safely sto\\'t>d on the 
top ol oiu" lour whei'lcM, and we were rolling" oil 
to Morle\'s Hotel. We had decidinl we had 
bi'st stay at a tjuiet hotel as we were two women 
alone. Sir Lionel had inxited Mr. Wood to stop 
with him al his looms, and besides 1 told Lily 
as eha|)eron 1 did not think it (juite proper for 
Mr. Wooil to stay with us. Lily seems (|uite 
upset and not t(^ enjo\' this arrani^'cment at all, 
but as the two men |)romisi' to be with us 
every day I think \\i> will lind onrscKt's well 
taken cari' of. 

Morlev's is such a <|uiet, pleasant holt'l and 
just the placi' for two lone wDmen. We have 
two q-ood rooms on the second lloor, overlook- 
ing 'rrafali;ar vSciuare. vSuch a noise as the in- 
cessant busses, coaches, hansoms, eti"., make. 
A never-endinj^" stream ; never in New York 
iKive I witnessed such a sij^^ht. How In^autiful 
and interesting the square and tln' fountain in 
front of us with Nelson's monument. The 
National anil l\)rtrait (lallerN- on one siile, — St. 



(.■()N(1':knin(; i.cjvk and oiiiick ihings. (H 

Martin's to our right and the hurrying Strand to 
the left. 

It seemed almost too much to take in at once, 
dear. In a day or two I am looking for my 
budget of letters. 1 know it will come. At 
least seeing your handwriting and knowing on 
paper that you arc thinking of m(* will help me, 
oh so much. vSomctimes 1 think, trying to en- 
joy myself and cheat old Father Time brings 
with it great pain. The contrast between the 
pleasures of sight-seeing and the joys of others 
and one's own deep sorrow makes the pain 
sometimes gather great force, and almost stifles 
one. 

But, dearest, IJly is calling me and says the 
two men are awaiting us down stairs for dinner. 
To-night we intend retiring early preparatory 
to our first day's excursion into the mysteries of 
London. A short stroll after dinner and then 
home to bed. 

Darling as ever, 

Yours. 



02 



SOMC: I.I'-.ITIKS Ol'' AN AMl'UICAN WOMAN 



Ll'TTIvU \ll. 

l)i':.\ui:si': 

W(' wcMc Up hrdiiu's this inoi iiiiiu; ; iioihiu^ 
ctMild \\:\\c kc\)[ ini' in Ix'd. One iniisl \)c 
about and sihmulj". ICxtMNtliiiiu; so \\v\\ ;uul 
iutiMt'stinq. IMiat word new, seems so hadiv 
ap|)lit>d, ii\ (his eonnc'iiion. All new to one's 
e\ e Itul nld, so old, it ahnosl sulloi'ates one. 
The dust ol ai^es i>\er\wluMi>, buildings blaek 
with it. Hiiii^cs lookinv^" as il i"ountI(>ss a^'s ol 
men and women had passed and icpassed, 
wi^aiiuLj a\\a\- stones, and main , their lu>arts. 
What i-riiiu's i«>mn\itted luider the ionise of the 
iliviue titjht ol kini^s or elori^v. 

Alter bicaklastini; on ICtij^lisli muiVms and 
oran_m' marmalatie anil a horritl jiiiH'e t>l" i-old 
beef, d(HMdt>db' sta\in_L; for ;i da\'s sii;htsiHMnL|, 
l.il\ and 1 staited out h>r tin- national i;allet\-. 

( )ne eould spiMul hours tluMC, and ni>\ im' 
W(>ar\ as lai as i>ne's soul was eoneeriUHl anil 
be fed fote\er, but oni^'sboiK- will Lli't tired and 
mind. t(>o. loi (hat matter. MiU\s ot pietures 
after awhile (ire one's feet and float la/.ily biMore 
om^'s e\es. It was trulv inteiestii\i; to siH' so 
main originals. \'an Dyeks. Sir Joshua Rev- 



<(>N( I';UNIN(; i.dVi'; anh oriii'.K iiiiNt... 



('.;{ 



iiolds ; (luMi in very morlorn ml, 'I'linicrs. \\vru 
r('|)r('S('iilMliv('S ol lli.il j^ic.il ll.ili.in Ivapli.icl, 
m.ikiiiL; one feel one imisl push on some (l.iy (o 
Italy, lIuMC to level in (Ik- warm ar( of llu- 
Sonllu'in blood Van l)\(k, uilli his Diilcii 
picliiics, v(M\' lascinalint;, jtnl looslill and con- 
\(Milionai, all llic lines hcint; sliidid\' haul and 
cnidc. Sincls' clinialc allccis one's ellorls in 
every way. Soiuelinies I think we seareely 
j^^ive weiidil to this. 

We wandeicd Ironi the piineipai j^'aileiy into 
tlie |)()rliail i^aileiw and here were I<e|)t deeply 
interested lor nian\ horns. I'aces ol those ionj^" 
depailed l)iinj^' vividly lo one's mind eenlmies 
rolled by. How real they seemed to lie and lo 
fairly speak from the eanvas. ihe (iainshor- 
onj^h poiliails a|)pealed vi-vy nnu h to me, hnt 
everywhere laces ol j^real men and women of 
many eenlnries impicssed foicihU' npon one's 
mind how old, very old the eonnliy, and we so 
tiivialh', sliamefiill>' yomiL;. ()ne<-oiild forj^ive 
the pride, and shall I say it — sometimes inso- 
lence of the Mnidish. What nation conld show 
to the woild snch a lont; nnendin^ line of ^reat 
men and women? I'Orce, |)o\ver, slicnj^lh in 
every line of theii laces, to which history hears 
witness in their acts, 'i'heir very vices stronj.; 
and the e.xcess of viitn(>s. Who c(»nld help 



(M 



S(Uii- n rn-KS oi- an ami uu-an woman 



|t»Miii; puMiil ol sm'h an aMi»>shN" ; ami ono 
ituiKI lir.hl li> lilt' ImKci ciiil ((> ii|th(>KI its sii- 
j)UM\>a»\. M\ lidli' .iinlMlion (>> paint stuMUS 
abst'luIcK aI'Miiil aiul all t<tlu'i ainl>ilii>ns tn lade 
wllliiii inc. ImiI knowing even a lilllf is wotlh 
(lt>ini;, I iiUciiii to (-iMitinii(> nw fnoits. 

I low Nou. ilcan"sl, must \\a\c {'\\\o\Ci\ \our 
visit lo l'a\i^latul soi\u' \ (-ais a'^o, ami 1 c.\\\ only 
\vaj»o war with lair. \\'li\, iiiicl ailuha oi 
(It'Stiiiics ihal she is, timiKI she nut in imMr\' 
ha\t' Imoui;Iu lis \\c\c {i^yri\\c\ ;' Pors sin* iisr 
a kaUMil(\siH)|u> wlnii sh»' aiiani'/'S ti\att<MS 
UMtini; (niMN'tliiui;, ti>ps\ liii\\. Iiiin upas it 
w ill i' Win can slu> not Ih> a laiclnl aiianv^ta" 
ol thii\i^s and niaUi* us all happy ? It sihmus 
just a willnl, willul mranncss. anil it is iiwpossi- 
bli> to i;iM t'\«'n\\ilh hn oi to an^n*' in time's 
ilrtrnst'. I loni; hu \ on. I lu' pain n»i"ioasrs 
so 1 just ha\t" to luin nu bark upon il and 
l(Mrt* uusdt lo Ai'i and sih\ knowini; at KmsI I 
aiu uiiowiny; in knowlrdi^r, and, ptahaps. in 
th.it suhllr ihinv; railed sNinpalh\, and th.it I 
ui.iN ho .ill tlu' IhMUm wluMi l.itr biiuv^sus to- 
t;iMluM ai^.iin. .Smiu^titui'S it is almost a iclitM" (i> 
thn>\\ all <>iu''s rau\s and woiiii's upon lh.it dis- 
aj4it*oabli> liMiuuiiu* iiiMtnn\ latr, and [o kcc\^ 
\\o\m\\x, lu^pint; that tin* iir\t tinu* slu» throws 
{\\c iliiw slu' ui.iN tinn up sonirthinv; j;ood. 



COfiCt'.i'.ni:,/, t/)Vi'. Aril) o'/ini; iuisdH. 65 

I'lorrj ill'- \)()i\t;t'\\ yuWcry vj<: vj',i]\(\<v<(\ into 
St. M.'irtin'',, s;iw HcW <'/wyrinf:'s frmvc, whif h 
j^jivc rue rniif }i food lor r'-fK-r;t:ifjn. W}i;it: a 
r li;irtriin^f rrf.'itui'- sIk- inust li;ivft lif^-n, ;iiid onr- 
ioijovf'-, li'-r ,'ill, ;iii'l tlir- l<\w/, too. J low rouM 
li'- lif-Ijj bciii^ f?isf:iii;itf-'l ? One sfctih so mauy 
hftautiful fiif:tijrr;H of hfiautiful wonxtn in tfiis 
fj.'iy, thf! rf'ij_Miiiij^ hollr-s find many mistrrtssf'S of 
til'- kiiity,, f;illiii!M;ir h'-l'jw '>iir [jr':s'-iit, st;)fi'l- 
;irf] of Hi'^r.'ility, fjiJl. s'^rrurhiow jjs fjnf; '^'.y/.i-s on 
tfutir fafifs tli'-ir rnyst<trious rrui^frif-tism fiolrJs 
orif* sfK;llh'<ii)ifl ;iii'l 'jh'! ceasf^s t'j f 'itirjf-mti — 
fjfinj^ fascinated in one's turn — and sinriply 
wonders how anyone could resist thf-rn. 

We pr'^rnisef] to me(;t Sir [Jrjri'-I aii'l Mr. 
W'j'j'l ;it .Mrs. K'^herts'^n's t'-;j. r'^'^ri ;it '^rie 
o'cl'jei<, hut tfiis, d'tJir, must rem;iin f'^r my next 
lett.er. iJear Heart, 1 ;jm VioV'wv^ for my letter 
from you each day. I await my mail with 
fluttf-rinj.^ li'-;irt. 

As evftr and always, 

Yours. 



C<{ 



.soMi'; i.KiTicu;; oi'' an ami'.kic;an woman 



I,!'.! Il'k Xlll. 

I (;uiiit»l Icll \()ii, (Icaicsl, willi what joy 1 
Iniiiid a l)ti(li;(-l ill in\' mail lliis iiioiiiitii^. (\)tll(I 
it be tmc, was it \oiii haiulw litinj^ I saw? I 
lairl\' trcinhlcd with (lcrn.;ht ; luit, line ciiodj^h, 
thcicit was ill im\ hand; m\' \ I'W own letter 
whiili had (laxcied inaii\', maii\' miles to meet 
me, and I lelt sure carried all the heaillelt woids 
I wanted and iieed(>d so- m\' x'ery son! imn^ry 
loi lliem. I went to m\' room, loekiiii; the 
(looi and lellini; Lil)' to leax'e me lor an hour. 
Then I lead \<»m words, full ol lox'e and \'oi!r 
lon^inq lor me and xoui homesieLiiess. What 
dieaiN da\s, those imendiiiL; ones at sea, when 
(>aeh one is alike and one hei^ins to think they 
an* ne\(M to end ! Hnl what made u\y heart 
Ileal, lieat with )o\\ wcie the woids Non hoped 
to l>e sent to (he Mi'dilenanean iu'\l \cai. 
("oiiid llieie he .nwlhini^ moie delight till ? 
'Pheie NiMi will send ioi me to tonu" and we 
can be happN loL;elhei attain ; and, jtiN', we can 
bask under the Italian skies toj^ctluM' and 
study their mand ail. ll can si'aieeb' be true; 
1 umst not Ioiil; too mneh oi it will be denied 
lue. How leai till one i^els oi one's Ioi tunes ! I 



(■(tN(i';KNiN(; i.ovi'; ani» oiiiik •riiiN(..s. CT 

am so (Iclij^lilcd yoti lliiiik (licic will he no real 
lioiiblc widi China and yon can almost surely 
hope to he scnl lo llaliaii walcis where il will 
he sale lor me. lUil, cheri, 1 wMttild, il yon 
would let me, l;o anywhere lo he wilh yon, sale 
lor me or nol ; lor, wlial would lile he wilhonl 
you? A lonjj;- dreary wasle. I had an hour ol 
hai)piness, then Lily ealled me and h»ld me I 
uuisl he K*'""'.U ready lo j^o otil ; so, I earelully 
put your dear words away to he read over 
and over aj^aiu and lo he my sta\' lill Ihe ne\l 
hudj^cl. 

I Ihink I lell oil N'esterday jnsi when we were 
ahout to j^o to luncheon at Mrs. Roherlson's. 
There we met oiu- two escorts .'md suchacharm- 
iiiL; liltle lea room as it was. 'hh<> waitresses 
so pretty, cleai- complexions, di'essed in violet 
j.^'owus and while aprons and ca|)s. Such 
voices, too. Such a conlrasi ht the shrill ones 
ol the Americans, one almost leels as il they 
ouj^ht not to he waitinj^' on one, so j^entle and 
reCmed their whole manners. \Mv. had a. most 
delicious lunch ; and where could one ^ct such 
tea and toast as in ICnj^land ? Someh(»\v, oms 
at home; never tastes (|uile Ihe same, the toast 
never jj;-ets cut (|uite so daintily and hiUlered so 
well. I complimented Sir Lionel on all Ihe de- 
li{:fhts his country had to ollei" one an<l he most 



08 S(.)MI': LICTTKKS OK AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

p^allantly said nothing- could be too much to 
oiler mv. He has a great way of paying the 
most charming compliments, but of course I 
understand them as the well-bred sayings of a 
cultured Englishman and he knows I am 
married and very much in love with my hus- 
band, though how much out of date this is. 
.Such things as one hears of luiglish society life. 
Mow tlreadful to be mismatched! 1 think 1 
could scarcely stand it and feel quite sure I 
would be running off with someone else's hus- 
band imagining he was more congenial. So, I 
must have some leniency towards these poorly- 
mated creatures. I think no destiny so dire as 
that. 

After luncheon our escorts took us for a drive 
through the park. How interesting to see 
Rotten Row, Kensington Gardens and the 
many places one has often lu>ard of but in my 
case nc>ver seen. How 1 like to hear the 
English si)eaking voice on every hand. How 
soothing and quieting I The English seem to 
have no nerves ; and in fact, get on one's 
nerves sometimes ; they take everything so 
quietly and are often so very slow. It irritates 
one. One's American mind cannot understand 
fairly creeping along in every sense of the 
word. 



con(-i:knin(; i ovk and otiii:k things. 69 

We had promised to dine at the Carlton so 
Lily and I had to return in time to don our 
eveninj^'- gowns and I was quite delighted to 
get into a very good looking, becoming, low 
neck white silk, made in New York, and really 
one cannot get prettier gowns anywhere. Lily 
also had a charming pink one and I told her I 
was sure she would hold Mr. Wood bound in 
chains forever. She laughed and said that was 
what she intended to do and so it seemed, for 
he never left her side, and Sir Lionel was left to 
me whether he would or no. He does talk so 
well and interested me very much in his Indian 
stories ; he was out there for some years. But 
occasionally he gets so distrait and abstracted, 
I wonder what is the matter. I tjuestion him 
somedmes and then he shakes himself together 
and begs me not to ask, that there are some 
things we must bear alone and one was a darned 
fool to get into trouble with one's eyes open, so 
I must let him alone. At times I get a little 
bit worried, but of course this is foolish. We 
had a most delightful dinner. Did you ever 
hear of peche Melba? It is delicious. We 
had everything the mind of man can conceive, 
saw some very charming looking men and 
women, but the [uistocraey for the most part 
are out of town. 



70 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

After dinner we went to the Gaiety Theatre 
and heard the comic opera, " The Toreador." 
Everything deHghtful and I returned to the 
hotel tired, and ready to fall into a deep sleep 
and dream of you, dear, who are forever in my 
thoughts. 

Yours as ever. 




W I'M .\II\M IK AltlllA, NOKlll IMIU'll. 



CONCKKNINO LOVK ANli OI lll-.K tlllHi.:^. 71 



ui'niAi XIV. 

Dearicst : 

We came back to the liotel (juite late last 
nig-lil and hein^ so very slee|)y 1 ((xjk no \]\im 
(lro|)|)in^ o(T to sleep and dreaming of you. 
You were witii me enjoying- everything- as 1 
did, such perfect happiness as it was and the 
rude awakening this morning hard to bear. I 
heard Lily's voice calling me and telling me if 
I expected to get through all we had planned it 
was time 1 was up and about. .So I forced my- 
self to let my dreams go and get ready to start 
for the Abbey. 

One's feeling on enlering it can scarcely be 
described. There is a sense of awe at being 
surrounded on every side by the monuments of 
the great departed. The feeling of ages is so 
great one gets almost overpowered and iIh; 
breath comes sh(jrt. The outside world is gone, 
to-day is departed, and one has traveled back 
centuries, the past is real, the present all a dream. 
Surely some ol the statues will aiise and give 
us sr>me little history (jf llieir liv<s 1 heniselves, 



I'J, SOMI". LKTTKKS OK AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

something" our j^uidc doi's not know, and per- 
haps introduce us to those about them. 

What a nation, iMigland ! How proud she 
must be of all her heritage — an ancestry of cen- 
turies of noted men and women. Deeds both 
good and bad ; but even though many were the 
latter, still courage and undaunted purpose 
crowned them all. Who could help a tribute 
of admiration at the loot of Kli/.abeth's tomb? 
Such a magnificent spirit as inhabited her body, 
peerless, cmucI, yes, but was she not surrounded 
by many who would gladly have brought her 
to her last days? One cannot help shuddering 
as one looks from her tomb to that of Mary 
Queen of Scots and realizes that Elizabeth gave 
the cruel order that she should be beheaded. 
Would Mary have liesitated to do the same ? 
W^e must remember that we cannot judge those 
past days by the standard of our present ones. 

Thank Heaven I did not live then! Just think, 
one's head alwavs in danger. But all this con- 
tributed to a dauntless and intrepid people, 
and it makes one wonder if in the ages to come 
the fact that we lead such protected lives may 
not make our race retrograde in point of cour- 
age and endurance. Into the poets' corner we 
went and here one realized what brains and 
wit were lying there, telling their tale of vast 



CUNCKKMM(; L()\l': AM) Ollll.K llllNGS. 73 

mental greatness — a maj^nificent heritag-e. An 
overpowering sense of America being so very- 
young comes over one ; the deep quiet of ages 
liolds one spellbound. It is fascinating, but 
a stifled sense of wishing to scream, to hear 
a voice of the present, to get out from all this 
heavy dust of ages, and when one walks into 
the air and sun an immense relief that all is not 
dead, comes over one. 

People are stirring, talking, the air moves and 
England still breathes. One almost feels that 
she must have come to her last days she is so 
very old, and has so much behind her. But she 
is destined to be still older for her vitality is great 
yet. It must teach us Americans to push on and 
strive to make a history ever growing grander 
as the centuries roll and we attain mature life. 
.Sir Lionel and Mr. Wood were with us. The 
former said " how deeply you feel everything; 
don't do it, it is bad." But I told him 1 did not 
think this, there was nothing like keeping one's 
heart young, pliable and able to receive im- 
pressions, in this way one could keep youth no 
matter how old the body might grow. 

"Well," he said, "at any rate it is most in- 
teresting to go about with you and things seem 
to take a new meaning." Dear, I told you be- 
fore I was a little worried once in awhile. He 



74 SOME LEtTfiRS OF AN AMEklCAN WOMAK 

is a gentleman, brave and good, and as such 
he will always treat me, but the fear that he 
might take an unfortunate liking for me comes 
over me at times. He would suiter in silence, I 
know, but I should really hate this. He is truly 
fine and I want him to find some splendid 
woman for himself. He told me not long ago 
he thought a person might hold a hopeless pas- 
sion in his heart, never telling it and never harm- 
ing the person loved, but doing all one could to 
make that loved one happy. That he thought 
in this way one often could glean as much hap- 
piness as was allowed to mankind. This is 
very fine and unselfish, but, dear, once knowing 
the perfect love of giving and receiving, one 
feels that one would give all to experience this. 
Then I feel that I have no right to complain. 
This I know, and it can never be taken from me. 
Your letters I read over and over, learning 
them by heart and holding them sacred there. 

I asked Lily what she thought about Sir 
Lionel. She replied, " Don't worry, sometimes 
I have thought he takes a deep interest in you 
but believe me it will never harm you and let 
him be happy." Perhaps she is right and noth- 
ing could be more kind and courteous than he. 

Lily and Mr. Wood are progressing finely 
and I often let her talk to me at night, and I 



CONCERNING I.OVE AND OTHER THINGS. 75 

like to watch the sweet hght that illumines her 
face and do not wonder that any man loves her. 
She is looking very beautiful, and is so bright 
and sweet. How she loves to travel ! I think 
Mr. Wood will have a hard time keeping her at 
home. As yet there is no formal engagement 
as Lily wishes to return to her family first. 

We go to the Cecil to dine to-night and then 
to the theatre. The end of the week we leave 
London and take a trip to Windsor, Oxford, 
Stratford, and from there go for a day or two to 
Sir Lionel's sister's country home, Lady Francis 
Grenville. 

Dearest, always and ever, 

Yours. 



76 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 



LETTER XV. 

Dearest : 

To-morrow we start off on our little trip 
through the country. I think everything nec- 
essary to be seen for our purpose in London we 
have accomplished in a week. Traveling in 
true American fashion we are able to see every - 
no matter how short the time. How magnifi- 
cent St. Paul's! We climbed to the whispering 
gallery, and by the time I got there I was fairly 
breathless. Those eternal winding stairs never 
would come to an end. I think I annoyed the 
guide very much for not realizing our voices 
could be heard from one side to the other. I 
turned to Lily and said several things to her in 
a low tone, but to my horror they were heard 
by those on the opposite side, and interfered 
with their hearing the guide's little speech- 
Poor me, I felt quite squelched when I was re- 
quested to keep quiet. Perhaps it were well for 
me if this were oftener the case. 

What a beautiful and grand view one has of 
London from the outside gallery. How glad I 
was that I had " done " it. Those stairs had 
been climbed and I could say I had seen London 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 7? 

from the top of St. Paul's. Human nature 
being as it is, this is a great pleasure. 

How I enjoyed our visit to the tower. See- 
ing where Elizabeth had walked, been kept 
prisoner, and many other noted people. What 
horrible dungeons those, one where a man could 
not lie down, eternally standing until the spirit 
grew too weak and left the standing body; 
another where a man could only lie down. How 
devilish the mind of man in those long gone- 
by days. A very revelry in diabolical tortures. 
Perhaps those who invented them were to fall 
victims to their own inventions. One would 
think this would hold their hands and minds. 
But the cruel desire of inflicting pain on others 
was too great. What awful memories the court- 
yard and spot roped off where the executions 
took place. The very spot where Lady Jane 
Gray went bravely to her death. A sickening 
horror seized me and I almost turned back ; 
but no, one must see the room where the 
litde princes died by the cruel order of their 
uncle. How strange to find it a pleasant 
little room with skylight (recently put there), 
a young girl's bedroom, the daughter of the 
warden. 

I exclaimed and said, " I should think bad 
dreams would fill the brain of one who slept 



78 SOMl". I.I ni-.KS OI' AN AMKKICAN WOMAN 

here." Tlu' wanlcii .'inswcrcd, " No, Madam, 
\v(* arc a lainil}- lu'r(.\ and wIumc the voices of 
childnMi rini^', llicrc no gliosis can live." A g'ood 
rejoinder 1 ihouj^lU (o \uy loolish fears, but all 
the same I know I would not have liked being 
in that young girl's place. We looked down 
the stairs, at the bottom of which the lit- 
tle priiuH'S wer(> sujiposed (o haxc been buried. 
Poor litde beings, one does not like to let one's 
mind dwell on these awful things. Hcnv grate- 
ful to be living now. 

We visited the Hritish Museum, Zoological 
Gardens, IhMtford House Collection, Wallace 
Collection, Mme. Tussaud's Wax Works, Car- 
hle's home in Chels(>a, and onc^ i)hux^ not among 
the least, " Cheshire Cheese Inn." We per- 
suaded vSir Lionel and Mr. Wood to take us 
which \\\cy valiantly did. 1 had the honor of 
sitting in Samuel Johnson's chair and ilrink- 
ing a glass of xery old rare sherry, the true old 
gold. 1 gave my seat to Lily so that she, too, 
could \)c inspircnl by that seat and feel filled 
with lire and witty sayings. I was certain I 
was saying all sorts of line things afterwards, 
but Lily says she is sure that glass of old sherry 
lu'lpcnl gi\'e its (juota to my clever speeches. 
At this 1 was (juite indignant, and told her how 
1 had noticed how unnecessarily quick at 



CONCI'.UNINC; I>UVK AND OillKR TIIlN(;s. 79 

repartee she was. Dear Lily, she always is — 
and needs no inspiration save her own. 

I think all the theatres saw us hut many 
of the best aetors and aetresses were away. 
One thint,'- struck me forcibly. Thouji^h sweet- 
voiced and often mood actresses the Iilnirlish 
women were so angular. Still when beautiful, 
with their aristocratic bearinjjf, very jx-rfect. 

1 love England, but, dear, 1 would not give 
up my own fair country where all is fresh and 
green and new. We hope for all things, and 
our veins are full of pulsing life-giving blood. 
We are ready for tlu^ fray and our history has 
only just begun — the (irst i)ages only written, 
and the joy of the unwritten still before us. 

Darling, how delighted 1 was with a second 
budget of letters. They ar(! my greatest hap|)i- 
ness. I see you write som(!thing every day, and 
to think I am ever in your thoughts Alls me with 
untold delight. Sir Lionel and Lily say that after 
1 have received a budget from you I am well 
worth seeing, my face becoming (|uite beautiful 
with joy. Lily says if 1 wish to keep young 1 
must get you to write letters to me every day 
forever. Foolish girl, she is so bright and 
happy. There is nothing that is not a delight 
to her; she dives into everything and I do not 
let my duties as a chaperon weigh too heavily 



80 SOMK LKTTKKS OF AN AMKKICAN WDMAN 

and often find an excuse to return from some 
excursion a little earlier than she and Mr. Wood. 
Hours after they turn up with beaming faces, 
but somehow I find they never remember much 
of what they have seen. I would not interrupt 
"Love's young dream " for the world. How I 
wish we could keej) youth with us forever. I do 
so hate old age. 

One thing that has struck me forcibly with 
the English is their way of always putting a 
question mark at the end of their sentences. 
They are much afraid of ridicule and seem to 
fear the (luick-witted American is always ready 
to laugh at them. 

At the British Museum one of the guards 
showed us what was apparently a miniature 
juggernaut car. He told us it came from Mex- 
ico, and I remarked, "Of course it is only a 
small representative of one." " Why, the man 
who sold it told me it was a real one, he could 
not have lied to me, could he? It was all 1 
could do to keep from laughing. Such their 
sense of humor ! 

Dearest, as ever, 

Yours. 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 81 



LETTER XVI. 

Dear Heart : 

This morning we left that great throbbing 
world with its never ceasing roar, travelled by 
land to Kensington, where we took a boat on 
the Thames to Windsor. Oh the peace, and 
quiet, and joy that settled on one's nerves 
strained to a pitch by the never ending whirl of 
the great metropolis 1 One seemed to be getting 
near to nature, the splash of the water, reviving 
to the senses, brought that refreshment to the 
soul needed by one who is heart sick. At 
times silent, voiceless nature. The trees, woods, 
streams, flowers, seem to understand and give 
that sympathy that no human being can. One 
returns from a few short days spent in the open, 
able to take up with renewed energy what lies 
before one. A sense of ability to do and dare, 
and to succeed with whatever one's undertak- 
ings may be, a wish to enter into the strife. 

But, beloved, to return from my poor vaga- 
ries, which I know you will smile at, as you 
read, but forgive, because you know and under- 
stand, we boarded our own boat, of course, 
the four of us. I full of a childish glee and 



82 



■SOIMI'-, I.I'-.ri'l'.KS Ol'" AN AMI''.UUAN WOMAN 



(Iclii^lil ;il ri;uhinj4 (lie liclds :ni(l livcr and sun 
and ail'. So pi'acclulU' (|ui('l and >('l lull of 
inliMisi' rc^sttul pleasure, iUc m'ntle iiioxcnKMit as 
we j^lided alont;' llu> Thanu'S. 1 think lluMt' is 
nowluMc such vcsl as upon iMi^lish country 
soil. Removed Iroin the bustle of London, 
one si'cMUs to ha\'e i-oin(> upon such c-onven- 
tional (|uiel and peace. 

Literally all the hustle of life seemed impro])er. 
Surely those dear little prim Ln^lish maids 
would think it \r\\ unseemly toilo anything- in 
a hurr\'. To attempt auNthim; out of home or 
chuich (|uite hi'Nond tlu> pale ol respectability. 
One loves them but after oiu> has had one's full 
of (luiet, one wearii's of them and di>sires to 
ti\- one's powcMS in tlu' midst ol the bustle 
of life. 

(^annot these sweiM n'ouul;" things be taui^ht 
to li\(> and fi'cl ? Is it not somc^tinu\s one of the 
causes of so n\an\' unhappN' matchers? Man, 
tlu> L;rt>at moi;ul (mein her/i'hen, t>.\cuse this, 
yt)u, of course, ari» dilTtM'cnt), in his scMlish de- 
sire to own e\-ei\thini^, and in his fear that if 
lu> allows womankind to use lu'r powiMS she 
would escapi> him, has so held her bound that 
at last the vcvy thini;' he wants is j^iMie. She is 
piim, sedati\ no Un^lint;, but tlu> most c~on\'en- 
tional lelt in her, all ical passion j^one. it is 



(•(>N('l';KNlN(i I.OVI'. AND OTIIKK THINGS. 88 

imcoiivcntioii.il, unLidyliko. And that creature 
man, aj^aiii scHish, weary as a s|)<)iled tryan- 
nical nilcr with what he has hiniscU ordered in 
his hliiuhiess, throws aside the insipid creatnre. 
He comphuns, my wife is so stiii)id, unsym- 
pathetic. And so she is, antl one; cannot l)lanie 
his desire for somethinp^ real and broad. Hut is 
it not his own fault ? (iive woman freedom to 
expand her feminine |)o\vers, and in doinj^ this 
the lord and master of creation will Imd he has 
a vi'ry fascinating^- creature. ihit let her re- 
member always her powers are feminine, and 
must ever remain so and are truly lu^r }.,dory. 

Dear Heart, i have dijj^ressed far from our 
day on iheThames. We passed, as in a dream, 
charming- villas, bungalows, house-boals and 
all the life to be seen on a summer day u|)on 
the Thames, (ioin^ throuj^di the funny little 
locks amused me, watchinjj^ some amateur 
boat races (luite excitinj^-. We sto|)i)ed now 
and aj^ain at landinj^s. At one a paity ol 
charming'- women boarded our little boat — truly 
iCnj^lish, and dressed as country bjij^lish maid- 
ens freciuently are — atrociously. One with 
(|uite a j^ood h^ure and clear English voice, 
brij^ht color, and hair attracted me j^-reatly. 
She was full of vim, decidedly she did not 
belong to the prim order. She seemed to 



84 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

pulsate with warm life, to answer to every 
sensation. One could see she could attract, 
and hold spellbound, the other sex (this the 
sensible aim of every true woman). Two 
young men of athletic build rushed to the 
shores, calling their adieux to her and begging 
for a speedy return. The others of the party 
seemed to be left in the background. They 
appeared to be very sweet, but sadly lacking 
in any enthusiasm. 

On, on up the river we went and stopped 
at Windsor. There we alighted and dined 
at the White Hart. How charming these 
English Inns and how often one gets such 
appetizing things to eat. But then I think 
anything would taste good to us now. 

I like sometimes to get off by myself, but 
somehow Sir Lionel always turns up. Dear, I 
cannot be rude and really he always behaves 
so well. He wonders how I will enjoy my 
visit to his sister. He tells me there are many 
things in English society life that ought to 
shock me. But I tell him he quite excites my 
curiosity. 

We went through Windsor Castle, and were 
filled with awe actually beholding the rooms, 
beds, chairs, etc., in which royalty lived. But 
then I suppose, poor creatures, they are fash- 




s u>K I I'm. IS iiirui.li. 



CONCERNING LOVK AND OTHER THINGS. 86 

ioned just like ourselves. We go to Stoke- 
Pogis this afternoon, and then to Oxford, but 
of this to-morrow. 

Cheri, last night you came to me in my 
dreams. Thank heaven for these short mo- 
ments I 

Always dearest. 

Yours. 



86 SOME LETTERS OK AN AMKKICAN WOMAN 



LETTER XVII. 

Dear Hkakt : 

How delightful our visit to Stoke- Pogis. I 
stood bcvside the monumeut erected to Gray, 
and could almost feel the elegy as I recited it 
to myself. His iuspiratioii seemed to fill me, 
and 1 understood how here, and nowhere else, 
could it have been written. The peace of an 
English twilight was descending upon the land- 
scape, those grand and beautiful elms throwing 
dark shadows, and a feeling of sadness filled 
me. 

That church, so full of memories; that yew- 
tree seemed to have Ihhmi known by me for ages. 
Was it not a friend known long, long ago? 
Gray's tomb to belong to one ! wSir Lionel came 
to me and said: "Can 1 be allowed to enter 
your thoughts? I should like to know how all 
this imjiresses you. Somehow few people seem 
to feel as you do. Write them and give so 
many the pleasure of your vivid imi)ressions." 

This aniused me, for I fear few would care to 
read. I)(\ir, perhaps I will try some day, but 
you nuist help me. There, that is the great 
pleasure of having some good, strong man 



CONCERNING LOVR AND OTHKR THINGS. 87 

behind one. To help one use one's powers to 
the best. You, beloved, are my inspiration. If 
I had not known you I could never have ex- 
panded. You, the masculine complement to 
my feminine nature, have brought forth all the 
feeling in me; without you it must have died 
and so it is with all women. They must come 
to the fullness of their being, meet and love 
some one of the other sex. 

This has been true from the beginning, and 
w; be to the end. No platform woman ever 
will be a success, she simply stunts her being 
and becomes an abnormal creature, horrible to 
behold. 

Dear, I have been trying my sketches. Some 
I am finite pleased with, and I shall tack up all 
in my studio next winter and keep them for you 
When we get home Lily is to try my portrait 
and I hers. These are to be our first serious 
attempts in that line. If a failure, we will not 
hold each other very seriously responsible 

After an I'our or so of delightful wandering 
hrough th(. churchyard, and under the neigh- 
boring elms (and how full to overflowing were 
one's thoughts), we took the train to Leaming- 
ton and from there to Oxford. We drove to 
the Mitre Inn, where, fortunately, we were in 
time for the evening meal ; but, dear, how I do 



88 



SOMI'. I.lvniKS ()!>• AN' AMKKICAN WOMAN 



hale c"i)l(l joints (»l all Uiiuls. \Vii\' is it the 
iMij^lish simply rc'\(>l in tiu-in ? 1 consicliT it 
very eoaise taste. When oiu' is luiii^rN' aiul 
cold alter a I01114 joinney, how ti^ins^' a t'olci 
supper. 

AlttM" our tneal \vi' wiM'e taken to our rooms; 
but so Irii^htt'iieil as 1 was ! Lily hail her room 
on t)ne floor and I mine awa\' round a narrow 
little hall on the next. 1 enteri>d with tri'pida- 
titm. A hii^h bedsti'ad, room for auN'one to 
ereep under, a \alanee surroniuU'd it, an old 
mahoi^anx' bnri'au, washstand, etc., and a candle 
to lii>"ht nusell to bed with. PruK rural and 
old, t>ld fashioni>d. \\'\\\ is it lui^land, the 
suppostnl centre ol the ci\ili/ed world, has 
such old-time acci)mmodations? (ias or elec- 
tricitN' out of the (|uestion. 

Still tluMc is a charm in the nuaint old times 
one feels, thi>U}.^h a little crec^p\' in an old winj^". 
I ilid so loui^ for nou. 1 kiuwv 1 could have 
facH'd ghosts ov an\' lnurors with )'ou there. 
Vou are so t^Dod and stroma nothing" (wil wi)uld 
have tlared face you. Hut here was 1 facinijthe 
midnight ti'rrors ol a (.ountrx- Inn \)y myselt. 1 
hardly liked to blow out the lii.iht but 1 could 
not keep a candle burnini;' all nii^ht, so with a 
thumpiui; luwrt 1 took courai^'c, and, whill, out 
the lij^ht wiMit ; but (Kmi me how 1 staitt'd at 




I III UK ,1! S I Kl' I' I 



m 



'If' '--- 




•\'\]\: ISIS AND IIAK(;i':S. 




te^si^ 






t^^ 







VII'W I'kdAI ;\IA(,|)AI.|.,N KiWI^U. 



CONCKFtNINO IX)VK ANU OTHIiK THINGS. 89 

every sound. The furniture creaked so and 
queer noises came from outside. Heavy treads 
near my door, and after I had lain trembling- for 
some time, a knock. To open it seemed almost 
impossible, but at last after a few repeated 
knocks I summed up courage and unbolted the 
door. Who should be there but Lily. .She ex- 
claimed, '' I cannot sleep in that horrid old four 
poster with my room facing the courtyard, and 
a low window ; then a disagreeable looking 
foreigner has the room next me. Please let me 
in, if you don't mind, you can make room for 
me alongside of you." 

Needless to say I was delighted to have her. 
At first I pretended to think her very foolish 
and silly but at last I confessed to having been 
cold with fright and only too glad to welcome 
her. And so with one another to buoy our sink- 
ing spirits we managed to fall asleep and opened 
our eyes the next day upon a flood of sunshine. 
All our fears gone, and ready to take a peep 
into the sanctuaries of learning. 

Ah, dear, more and more do I want you and 
long for you. May the time fly on wings till I 
feel your arms about me again. Always, 
Yours. 



90 SOME LKITKKS OV AN A.MIKU AN WOMAN 



LETTER X\ 111. 
Dkarks'P : 

l"'arh' this tnomiiii;- wo startiul on our tour 
throuj^li this city of loarniuL;-, nuisty with th(^ 
socrots of :\j^(N. A i^uido was sinnirod, iniinao- 
ulatol\- (hc'ssod and with a lino oast of ft'atnrc>s, 
but I am quite sure with st'aroo a ponuN lo bloss 
himself. The intoleranoo of tlu> narrow-niindod 
untraveliHl h'n^lishman showcnl thri)u^h all ho 
said. 1 h' aotod assoout [\ bolit'xo (ho\' oall it\ 
during" tho i\illot;e season and now here, aeeord- 
inq" to him, ooulcl {\\cvc bo snoh a set of yoimg" 
^entlomiM\, in his i-stiinalion far ouldoini; tlu^pri>- 
fessors, who wiMc^only thereasa background for 
tlu> stndiMits. TluMi> seemed to be a i^eneral sys- 
tem of hontn- ptM\ailini>" tlu^ N'ouni;' miMi, but, 
" Don'l catch \uc, don't ha\i' mo," seemed to 
be, acccM(lint4" to our j^uido, a dccitlodly j)cM\ad- 
ing nnUto. 

Certainb- their li\i>s are full of intcMost and 
boyish glee and fun. What struek me forcibly 
was the old, old-time appearance i>f the colleges, 
many having the U>ok of cliMsters, and tone's 
mind was carrieil back i-enturic\s antl innumer- 
ble past scenes floated bet\)re one. Ghosts of 



CONClCUNINC I.OVI''. AND Ollll.U 'nilNt^S. 1)1 

the (lead |)ast eoiild inhabit these walls and 
crowd out the youiijj;' men of the day who have 
no rij^ht there. Thonj^^h the seenes of the past 
and history are very allurinj^'-, still at times it 
seems to throttle one and to-day wrinkles, l)on(»s 
and skeletons arc cast aside. 1 feel (juite sure 
if 1 had to live my younj^' life amid these old 
walls, 1 should take on the c"om|)lexion of the 
place and become an old, old hermit, book 
worm, who would oeeasionally crawl out from 
his ni("lu> in the wall, but, frightened by the 
sun, and lij^ht, and action, (|uiekly crawl back 
aj^^ain. 

To my mind these maj^'nihcent old buildinj^^s 
seemed scarcely the plac:e for youth. One 
could enjoy to the full a short stay there and 
ruminate with delight upon the past lives of 
j^reat mi'u; statesman, poet, historian, warrior, 
all ^lide in turn before one, Ikit always the 
past; and youth with its natural pulsatinj^- life 
running' throuj^h every vein must turn from the 
aj^es that were, to the time that is and is to 
come, wishinj^' to push forward in the strife, 
and letting the dead past bury its dead. 

Our American collej^cs and universities flood 
with life — youth, activity everywhere, all is be- 
fore and one feels this to the core. These young" 
men, lull of new fresh blood like racers snorting 



92 SOME LETTKKS OK AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

for the fig'ht, lonq; to make the history of the 
land, and this with a full determination that it 
shall be a grand one. Love, you see that I am 
a good American, tht)ugh the subtle influence 
and inspiration of the great past, that nowhere 
one can learn to the full better than in England, 
pervades me to day, and I am old, very old, 
and live in the lives of the centuries gone. 

With a start, I find Lily bringing me to. I 
am again in the twentieth century and answer- 
ing some very profane question. Really it is 
very annoying when one is enjoying oneself 
immensely with imaginings in the past — peo- 
pling the corridors with one's heroes to be so 
rudely awakened to the present. I answered 
quite crossly and was, to say the least, a little 
disagreeable. Lily is always so sweet, though, 
and says, "You foolish dreamer, I suppose I 
must forgive you everything." But then re- 
member, she has Mr. Wood and is so happy. 
How I envy her — I want you so, want you so. 
If you were beside me, near me, to enter into 
all my feelings with me ; and you, dear, to let 
me see with your eyes just a little, and so to 
broaden my horizon and make me all the better 
woman for it. There are moments when my 
heart gets so sick of waiting for you that I 
scarcely breathe, and the oppression of the 




p:xkt1';k coi.i.kck and siii:i.i)()nian tiikatke. 




( IIKISr I'lllKCII, WICST FRONT. 




.MAC. DAI. KN COl.l-EliK AND liRIDCIK 



('<)N(i':i<NiN(; i.()V'i'; and oriii'.ic riiiNcis. 



\r.\ 



lonqini^ l;c1s so j^kmI lh:il I wonder it" my last 
hicatli has come. Will the days Uclvvocn now 
and our nc\l m('('(inj.^('V('r pass? Tlicy ^o so 
slowly, oh, so slowly. 

Well, dcaicsl, we went (hion^h Christ 
Chmch, Tiinily, Maj^'^dalcn, Jcsns, lialliol and 
othcis, and l)\' (he (imc the da)' was over I was 
la illy ill — so lircd was I and almost Icll like 
never seeing anoHier (hint;. Sir Lionel was 
splendid ; he lold tis so man)' delij^hliul sloiies 
ol his eollej^e days, showed iis liis apartments 
and made our day indeed vivid, so real he 
mad(" everything-. I thanked him warmly, and he 
so kindl)' said my ihanks were enonj^h to make 
the day a brij^ht one lor him. lie has been 
bej^j^-in^ me to write a journal (o be published. 
He says he knows it would be vivid and j^ood ; 
bu(, dear, my words and imi)i('ssions are lor 
you, eontent to remain in sour heart, all Ihe 
audience they desire. 

Dear, Sir Lionel does seem to Lake interest 
in what I sa)' and do, and sometimes I think it 
would be belter loi himself, lor my heait is ever 
youis, it he saw less ol me and moic ol some 
other woman. hOr alter all, mon mari, every 
heart wishes to love and be loved and there is 
nuich in |)r()|)in(|uity when one's nature is un- 
satislied. Sir Lionel needs some j^ood and beau- 



0-1 vSOMI'. I.I'TTF.US OK AN AM 1".1{ KAN WOMAN 

tiful woman lo take care of him and so 1 tell 
him. Me never says or does a thinj^ he should 
not, l)ut somehow I cannot help thinking he 
ouj^ht to see some one else but me. 1 tell Lily 
my fears, and she always says, " Don't worry, 
he is a man and a jji^cntleman and if he enjoys 
bein^*" your friend, why, j^ive him that hap- 
piness." 

He fretjuently tells me he would far rather 
have the friendshij) of his ideal woman, if he 
were denied her love than the love of an unidejd 
womrni. Well, dear, there seems nodiini;' for 
me to do but be a friend and try some dav to 
throw an ideal woman in his path. 

Mein liebchen, 1 am lired lo-nij^ht but (Hd 
enjoy my day with the learned eolleg-es and the 
past, as 1 walked around Addison's walk and 
tried to imagine what his thouj^hts were. 

How beautiful some of the green swards, and 
surely where but in Enj^dand can j^reen j^'^rass 
be so emerald g^reen save, perhaps, on old Ire- 
land's shore. What a beautiful view, that from 
the bridg-e of Maj^dalen College and river, and 
how often one s<H'S this in an etching. I must 
have it on my return and keep it in that home 
we are to have, you and 1, in the dear, dear 
future. We are on to-morrow to Stratford, but 
anon of this. 



CONCERNING LOVK AND OTHER TIIINfJS. 95 

My eyes are closing and I must to bed, hoping 
for my dreams of you. 

Dream, dear, of me, and let us meet in the 
dreamland where I can tell you that I am and 
always will be 

Yours. 



96 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 



LETTER XIX. 

Dear Heart : 

Here we are at Stratford, at the Red Horse 
Inn. We arrived last night and to-day have 
wandered over the paths that Shakespeare trod. 
To the church we went and read the inscription 
over his bones, and I felt quite sure the male- 
diction would not rest upon us as we certainly 
had no intention of removing them. His bust 
stood in a niche in the wall near by, and one fell 
to studying the features of such a wonderful 
man, a brain so full one wonders how an ordi- 
nary head could contain all those magnificent 
dreams replete with wit and deep sayings and 
truths of human nature. It almost makes one 
think the great art of writing is dead, for who 
could dream of approaching this man ? 

We wandered out into the graveyard, and 
somehow in the bright, warm sunshine the 
graves seemed very friendly and not such dread- 
ful resting places. English country is very 
soothing. On we walked to the theatre, but 
this is a crude, modern, unattractive building, 
many interesting books and pictures about, but 
with no memories of its own. From here to 



CONCKKNINC; I.()VI<: AND OTIIl'.H TIlINfiS. 97 

Shakesj^earc's house, and, ah, lierc you can 
iiiKi^iue what interest centres. Did his imaj^in- 
inj^s j^rovv in sucli protracted spfice ? 

One vvouhl think his thouj^^hts would iiave 
ahnost burst the hounds of tiielow ceihnjji's. In 
iiis boyish roaniin^s nuich nuist have l)een 
learned of the laws of nature and he the one 
to learn from her and hold her great secrets. 
To grow so great in such a narrow home and 
surroundings seems scarcely possible, but some- 
times I am inclined to think narrow ))hysical 
limits make the soul grow, and after, travel 
was simply a nc^eded touch to make the mind 
of this man perfect and in accord with all the 
world. Its real growth and depth had reached 
maturity in this narrow home. What had he 
to learn — all had been matle clear to him in the 
lields and under the skies which in the daytime 
had their bright lessons and in the night their 
great and dee|) mysterious ones. Its human 
surroundings, many narrow and sordid, made 
his great nature l)y contrast yearn for nobler 
things and so his desires grew. Perhaps in 
t(jo luxurious surroundings they would have 
been stilled with too easy living. 

From Shakespeare's home, where I could 
have lingered long, we wandered to Anne 
Hathaway's cottage, a charming little spot, so 



98 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

sweet and homelike, and here many of the vil- 
lage beaux would gladly linger to while away 
a few hours in the company of the witching 
Anne. I fear though Anne did not keep up the 
reputation later and did not prove the best 
of wives to her great husband. Perhaps she 
should have some sympathy. Being a simple 
ordinary-minded woman, she may have found 
the strain too great keeping up with such a 
husband. 

Perhaps married to a man with a mind suited 
to her level, she might have been happy. 
Such cases make one feel it is only fair to set 
them free — each to find his proper mate. Is 
this too heretical, dear? Perhaps the mate 
could not be found and they would only sink 
in deeper water. 

One thing that interested me very much was 
seeing Marie Corelli's home. Not that I think 
very much of her writings ; for, to me, they are 
full of overwrought imagination ; but still, she is 
a powerful woman and writes strongly — I hear 
she dresses most extraordinarily and this I do 
dislike so. Why cannot a woman write and be 
normal, too ? Be herself a woman and she will 
retain that sweet naturalness and charm of 
femininity, but let her strive after some abnor- 
mal effect and she is lost. 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 99 

So, John Harvard, the founder of our univer- 
sity, was born and hved here. How much we 
owe to EngHsh ancestors ! and frequently I 
think we are far from grateful. To end our 
pleasant rambles we took a row upon the 
Avon. Such delight as this was after our 
hard working though seductively interesting 
day. The peace of the English scene fell upon 
us, the boat glided under the skilful direction 
of Mr. Wood and Sir Lionel through the waters, 
and such a sense of rest came upon me. I 
sank back into my seat and gave my whole 
being up to the joy of just living ; and drink- 
ing in the soft air. Then dreams of you came 
and I was so happy, or as near so as one could 
be without the actual presence. I think I fell 
asleep, for bumpity-bump, and I was rudely 
awakened. We had come to the landing and 
it was time to return to our Inn if we expected 
any supper. My inner man, or rather woman, 
in my case, told me this was very necessary 
and the rest of the party fully agreed with me ; 
so, we fairly flew home, finding a smoking 
supper most enticing to the nostrils and palate. 

To-morrow we drive to Warwick Castle and 
Kenilworth and the day after we are expected 
by Lady Francis Grenville to stop over night 
with her. We cannot give more time as we 

L.cfC. 



100 SOMK LKTTICKS OK AN AMKKICAN WOMAN 

must on to I'aris, Lily havint,^ promised to re- 
turn within two months. Then we must get 
our studio ready for the winter. Dear, I must 
tell you, Lily has painted some lovely scenes 
and 1 Hatter myself so have 1. They will always 
be such a never-ending- source of delii,^htful re- 
membrance of our tri[). But as you know we 
fly very high and desire to paint portraits. I 
now and again sketch the party, different mem- 
bers individually, and next winter have them 
all promised as patrons. This will be a good 
beginning at any rate. 

Such a charming drive in the moonlight as 
we had after supj)er. The Lnglish twilight 
lasting till nine and throwing such a beautiful 
haze over evcMvthing ; then the moon rose and 
all was siKcMv grey. 

The mystery and delight of England filled 
me. Hut, tU'ar, 1 am very, very sleepy and 
must io bed. 

The (lavs are s|>eeding to our next mec^ting. 
Yours forever and ever. 



CONCEKNlN(; LOVE AND OTIIICU THINGS. 101 



LETTER XX. 
Dearest: 

To-day we hired a carriap;"e and started out 
early on our excursion to Warwick Castle and 
Kenilworth. 

To me there is a great charm in the English 
scenes, the grass so green, the trees so old and 
large and hedges kept as if it were a sin to let 
them grow. Do the prim little English maids 
come out with their brooms and dusters in the 
early morning and sweep oil the dirt and dust 
accumulated during the night on fields and 
roads of my lady's ancestral acre ? 

One feels she must come out each day and 
adjust her lorgnette to the better see that no 
speck lies upon her beautiful green swards. 
Not to have these perfect would be the unpar- 
donable sin, amd my poor little maid would 
suffer forever afterward, certainly in my lady's 
lower regions. 

This sense of driving in a continuous well- 
laid park is pleasing for awhile. The easy 
motion of the carriage over the hard roads, 
made years and years ago, tends to make 
one very sleepy and before one knows it 
one is taking a quiet little nod. Lily is 



102 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

relentless at these moments and pokes me to 
make me stay awake and says I must not learn 
so quickly English dowagers' lessons. Some- 
times, dear, I must confess, when we are on the 
go from morn to dewy eve with no respite I get 
cross and say, I will not go another step and 
do not care if I never see another thing. I 
could see the party's comical expression as I 
gave vent to these sentiments one afternoon in 
London after a weary, weary day of sight- 
seeing and we were far from home. I meant 
every word I said and do not think I would 
have stirred till this day if I could have stayed 
there, if Mr. Wood had not found an easy 
vehicle whose driver, at a promise of an exorbi- 
tant price, undertook to get us back to our hotel. 

When we reached our rooms Lily fell into a 
chair and simply laughed at my poor, tired, 
done-up self. " Well," she said, " you are a 
nice one to take sightseeing, and I think you 
gave the men a pretty good scare, for what we 
would have done with you if no vehicle had 
turned up in that out of the way quarter I do 
not know. Your expression more than your 
decided words made me think you would stay 
forever where you were unless we could get some 
means of easy locomotion home." 

I retorted that I thought it a very mean 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 103 

thing to wear another's legs out ; to wear their 
own out they had a legitimate right, but if they 
attempted the same ill-usage of mine again I 
would sue them all and get a high sum for the 
damage done. Lily laughed and said, "All 
right, I'll pay my share ; but now, you dear old 
thing, I intend to ring for supper and have it 
here, you and I together comfortably arrayed 
in our tea gowns. You put on your pretty 
fluffy pink one, you do look so sweet in it, and 
I will don my blue one, in which I know I am 
quite fetching." 

Lily said she was so sorry that she could not 
call Mr. Wood into see her. Naughty, but de- 
lightful girl. Somehow her light vanities and 
our tea gowns, which are very pretty and be- 
coming, besides a delicious light and hot sup- 
per, daintily served on a tray by the daintiest 
of English maids dissipated — shall I say my ill 
temper I 

To return to our day at Warwick Castle. 

Such a charm as this grand old castle has for 
me. We drove through a long winding road, 
cut between two rocks, each side of which was 
covered with green ivy. Over the moat we 
went and under the portcullis which I felt sure 
would fall upon me. Then we were met by a 
very nice English guide, who took us through 



104 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

a side entrance and up some winding stairs, 
around the walls of which were hung old armor, 
fighting implements of ancient days of all 
kinds. To think how much of English history 
hung around this place. The earls of Warwick 
at whose command so many bent — even kings. 
Their very title holds a peculiar power. 

Through grand great staterooms we were 
taken, hung with ancient tapestries and por- 
traits of the former owners of this great ances- 
tral home. The rooms in which Queen Victoria 
slept when visiting these honored subjects were 
shown us, and from the window such a beau- 
tiful glimpse of the river flowing underneath, 
and the surrounding country. To me, shall I 
own it, poor old Queen Victoria, God rest her 
soul, has little romance. A fine old lady full of 
sturdy character, but I fear quite obstinate, 
perhaps a little mulish sometimes. Her por- 
traits fail to fill one with the mysticism of high- 
bred aristocratic bearing and we of the plebeian 
mold demand this, otherwise we cannot render 
that homage due to Caesar. At least, dear, I 
cannot, but perhaps, being full to the brim of 
American independence, I cannot feel as the 
truly correct English women do. I do so pity 
them at times, they must feel so to order. I 
should be kicking at the traces all the time. 



CONCERNIXU LOVE ANU OTHER THINGS. 105 

Here I am travelling off again, so back to 
our party and guide. On he takes us to the 
red-panelled room and here upon the wall 
hangs the portrait of the present Lady Warwick, 
by Carolus Duran. Here one can bow to the 
subtle influence of the high-bred English beauty. 
Beautiful, but with the haughty bearing, her 
heritage from a long line of noble ancestors. 
One can bow to this, for whatever the individual 
(for one remembers little quiet stories that Queen 
Victoria did not always smile upon this mag- 
nificent creature, though tell me, dear, does not 
jealousy often lie at the core of an ugly wo- 
man's censure of a beautiful one ?) this high- 
bred, fascinating creature on canvas stands for 
all that is beautiful and great in a long line of 
noble ancestry. Surely this red-panelled room 
was made for the portrait not the portrait for 
the room. The red panels so suited to the red 
background of the picture. All seems in har- 
mony, and the sense of just proportions fills 
one. 

Our guide offers a peacock's feather to the 
youngest of the party and to my shame I must 
decline it and offer it to Lily, my love of truth 
coming to the fore, but if at this crucial moment 
it had failed me Lily, with her undying sense of 
rectitude, would have demanded her right. So 



106 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

she has the trophy to add to our collection for 
our studio next winter. 

Lady Warwick had just arrived but our guide 
kindly allowed us a glimpse into the sacred 
realms of her private apartments if we promised 
to be very quiet and tip-toe to the large folding 
doors as he opened them. One really expected 
to find them disclose some long ago baronial 
scene and was almost disappointed to find this 
large living room so natural and furnished with 
all the latest English comforts. But what gave 
to the grand old apartment its right of belonging 
to the past was the armor seen hanging every- 
where and in one corner a warrior encased from 
head to foot in a coat of mail. Surely he was 
stationed there to protect the lady of the castle 
from all harm. Such wild barbarians as our- 
selves might do some hurt. 

We wandered into the flower gardens and 
enjoyed so the peaceful thoughts that flitted 
through our minds in my lady's rose bower. 
Here no thoughts of evil could enter. 

Dearest, I must stop, but not until this letter 
carries, too, its message and burden of love 
from me to you. This is ever old and new, 
being from the beginning and lasting through 
eternity. 

Yours ever and always. 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 107 



LETTER XXI. 

Oh, my dear, I cannot tell you with what de- 
light I opened another budget from you this 
morning. Your dear words warm my heart 
so that I feel the blood pulsating to the very 
end of my fingers. That is the reason I look 
so well and my color is so good to the end of 
the day. Your letters are better than any cos- 
metic or even the sun and air. I love to read 
that you miss me and that you are jealous of 
the very days that hold me till you come. What 
a charming, delightful way you have of writing. 
I think no woman ever received such love let- 
ters as I, and to think this is all addressed to me. 
Dear, husband, will I ever fall from my pedestal 
and will you find your idol clay ? For after all, 
dear, I am naught but dust, and the dread fear 
fills me that some day you will find me out. At 
least, I will strive to be what you think me and 
trust that if I fail your eyes may be holden not 
to see. 

Dearest, for days your letters buoy me up to 
such an extent that I could almost walk on air 
and the party tell me I am never so brilliant. 

I think I did not tell you of our visit to 



108 SOME LETTERS OP AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

Kenilworth. The ruins stood there a pathetic 
reminder of the times that were past and the 
terrible fate of poor Amy who dwelt there. 
Sir Lionel wished to climb through the haunted 
memory-laden passages with me, but I would 
have none of him. Alone I must be to enjoy 
in silence the thoughts that crowded upon me. 
I imagined here was the old dining hall, there 
the stately bedchamber where the poor fair 
owners often trembled in their dread. I looked 
down into dungeons and found myself weeping 
for those who had long since lain there in 
chains, but many, many years ago had gone 
to their last account. Perhaps, who knows, 
they were floating near and blessed me for my 
tears. 

I think I will have to stop pretending to be a 
chaperon at all. Lily disregards all I have to 
say and yes (shall I have to confess it), I often 
conveniently lag behind or profess weariness 
when I think my absence would be more ap- 
preciated than my presence. Lily says 1 am 
the most tactful of chaperones, but conse- 
quently I am left to entertain Sir Lionel, who 
ends by entertaining me and making himself 
most agreeable. 

You are not jealous, dear, I know, for I 
believe you know and trust me, for if you were 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 109 

not what you are — the truest, best, and noblest 
of men, free from all petty doubt — I could not 
love you as I do. Bound by too tight a suspi- 
cious rein I would hate the driver and just run 
away and give the poor man an upsetting that 
it would take him sometime to recover from. 
I must be trusted, then I give as to you my all. 
A curious part of the complex nature of woman 
is, that though she love her husband — love him 
as she may, the admiration of another man can- 
not help being pleasing. She knows the power 
this has to hold her husband. Strange mascu- 
linity! The knowledge that what he owns is held 
to be of some worth by another, adds tenfold to 
the charm of possession. Please forgive me,dear, 
for saying this, but I know your sex and this is 
true. Sometimes I am inclined to think it 
would be well if the laws of matrimony were 
not so binding, you men were not allowed to 
feel you had your game so safe within your 
hands for then, dear, you would never tire of 
your prey. Then the divorce courts would 
cease to exist for want of use. But, cheri, you 
shall never tire of me, I shall keep you guess- 
ing, wondering what is coming next. 

Let all women remember this ; men love 
spirit, and this they must hold to as their very 
lives, not only for the sake of pleasing men, but 



110 SOMK LKTTKRS OK AN AMKKICAN WOMAN 

for their own sakCvS for that indivicUiaHty, a 
priceless treasure, without which no man or 
woman is worth tiie name or havini^ either. 

I aslc you to demand this of me as 1 do of 
you, for without ycnu" wishing- tliis 1 could not 
hold you for the noble creature that you are. 
This makes the true union between man and 
woman and once existing- there is no danger of 
its breaking. Without it love and marriag^e 
fall to a very commonplace, uninteresting level 
from which all true natures must revolt. 

To-morrow we go to Lady Francis Gren- 
ville's. 1 am looking forward to t)ur visit 
with the greatest pleasure. We can only g^ive 
her the night and day, for we must return to 
London, where we pick up our luggage and on 
to Paris, that land of the gay. 

I believe quite a large dinner party has been 
invited to meet us. We arrive in the middle 
of the day, are to be taken all over the estate, 
some friends to five o'clock tea and dinner at 
eight o'clock. I feel a little nervous about it, 
but know I have a beautiful white chilton and 
lace gown, low neck, and decidedl)' becoming. 
Lily has a beauty of pink embroidered crepe-dc- 
chine, and one need have no fear of the English 
verdict as to her splendid beauty. I want them 
to think well of us as Americans, and for my 



CONCRRNrNG LOVE AND OTHKR THINGS. Ill 

country I have the great pride that we should 
do it credit. Some Irish women are to be of 
the company and one I hear most beautiful, with 
that ready wit that belongs to their nationality. 
Lily and I must not disgrace ourselves. Mr, 
Wood says it is iiW going to be a dreadful bore, 
for what does he care for all the women, we are 
enough for him. Do you notice the " we " ? 
That he puts in for politeness, but he says he 
never can repay sullkicntly such a charming 
chaperon who knows her business so well. 

On our return to London we stay two days, 
going to Richmond, Hampton Court, Kew 
Gardens and to Greenwich, where I long to see 
all the relics kept as mementos to the great and 
honored Nelson. 

Dear, I forgot to tell you how impressed I 
was with all the crown jewels. How they 
glittered and the crowns seemed so heavy 
that I did not wonder, " Uneasy lies the head 
that wears a crown." How into insignificance 
all the little jewels that I treasure so highly 
and those of many of the women I knew sank. 
How, with true feminine weakness, I love the 
glittering stones and when the possessor of 
them fairly feel a queen myself. I wear your 
gift, a diamond necklace, to-morrow night and 
no matter how I enjoy myself I shall have you 



112 SOMli LETTERS OK AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

ever neeir me and the necklace will help tt) 
stem that awful homesickness that besets me 
among strangers. How I long for you, and 
no one, no crowd, can keep you from me. 
Always lovingly. 

Yours. 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 113 



LETTER XXII. 

Dear Heart : 

We spent one afternoon and night at Lady 
Francis Grenville's and I must write you all 
about it, for indeed it was charming, and we 
enjoyed the meeting of a few English people 
so much, and found it interesting comparing 
their ways with ours. After all they are much 
the same only for the stifT conventionality that 
must cling to such an old-time institution as 
England. One fairly believes the babies are 
born old and are very wise. I should think 
the weight of centuries would be almost too 
much for them. 

After luncheon yesterday we drove to the 
country home of Lady Francis not far from 
Warwick. Here we were most graciously re- 
ceived by her ladyship and a few friends. We 
were invited to inspect her domains and her 
home. Of this invitation I took decided advan- 
tage. Roaming over this old English home 
was to me very fascinating ; from room to room 
replete with memories of past times and all so 
furnished that they spoke of the ancestry of 
the owners. Beautiful old chairs, tables, beds 



114 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

in chambers, one of these a haunted room of 
course, where we were told the ghost of some 
murdered baron of the feudal days roamed on 
the anniversary of his death. Pleasing thought, 
if one had to occupy the room. 

One of the most delightful things to me was 
the picture gallery full of portraits of magnifi- 
cent men and women, dauntless, daring crea- 
tures, afraid of nothing, and how one loves this 
spirit. Before one portrait I stood spellbound ; 
a beautiful dark-haired woman with flashing 
eyes, superb neck and shoulders, diamonds en- 
circling her throat, her head thrown up with a 
proud, disdainful air and yet behind it all one 
saw sorrow lurking. Surely this creature had 
not suffered pain; it ought not, could not be. 

As I looked her face seemed to resemble 
someone I had seen and to be full of fateful 
reality. I turned to Sir Lionel and said, " Who 
does she look like?" And as I spoke Lady 
Francis came up smiling and said, " I am sup- 
posed to resemble her and own the compliment 
too great." Then, as I looked from the portrait 
to the woman standing 'there, I could almost 
swear they were the same. Did not Lady 
Francis have that proud toss of the head, and 
the sad look, was it not there too ? I answered, 
''This lady here upon the canvas could well be 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 115 

proud to own a likeness to her descendant." 
This pleased my lady, and she gently tapped me 
on the shoulder saying, " The English should be 
proud to own our American cousins from across 
the sea if all are such as you, and such pleasant 
flatterers. After all, do not all these little say- 
ings ease our weary days?" With this she 
passed on to the next guest, always gracious, 
with just the right word to each one; but some- 
how I felt intuitively she was not happy. I 
looked inquiringly at Sir Lionel. 

" I know your thoughts," he said ; " she, one 
of the fairest of women, is the victim of our 
English traditions, unwritten laws as hard to 
break as those of the Medes and Persians. She 
was married by the order of her parents (this 
permitted by all the lying ways of our world) 
when she was barely eighteen. The money 
owned by my people had been squandered and 
we were fast degenerating into that most pitiful 
sight, a family once proud and able to hold its 
head among the august, falling into decay, 
scarcely able to. keep up appearances. My 
beautiful sister was the only hope, and my 
parents taught her it was her duty to her family 
to save us by her marriage. Sir Francis, cruel, 
hard, dissipated, but with that ruler of all things, 
millions, at his back, with a large estate, offers 



116 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

all to my sister with promises that he will put 
our family upon our feet if she would sell her- 
self to him. Even as a boy I knew my sister 
worried and I often found her crying, and my 
mother urging her to do her so-called duty. 

** Anger filled my heart, for I loved my sister 
truly and was proud of her as any boy might 
be, and one day I rushed into her room and 
told her unless she loved this man she must 
not marry him, that I would work, and 
care for her, and she should have the 
freedom she wished. I remember how she kissed 
me and told me that this could never be as she 
had given her word and could not take it back. 
I was almost mad with grief, and even went so 
far as to speak to Sir Francis and tell him I 
would kill him if he took my sister. At this my 
parents sent me away to school and on my 
return my sister was Lady Francis Grenville. 
As you may imagine her husband does not love 
me. As fate would have it the right man turned 
up too late. You know this little trick fortune 
has of playing, and there you -see him standing 
by my sister. Sir Henry Seymour, such a 
splendid athletic looking fellow, plenty of 
money and all the pluck and brains one could 
wish for. He loves my sister, this I know, for 
he has told me so and frequently has ground 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 117 

his teeth in rage when alone with me and says, 
* To think her unhappy with that brute and I 
can do nothing, powerless. It makes one 
almost hate everybody and everything.' She 
loves him I feel sure, but being what she is she 
will bear it to the end and drink her bitter cup 
to the dregs. Sometimes I feel like telling them 
to cut it all, throw conventionalities to the wind, 
and off to the other side of the world to live in 
a blissful Eden of their own. Then sense, that 
common thing, comes to my rescue, and I know 
my beautiful sister and Sir Harry could never 
be happy as outcasts from the world and they 
would feel the stigma on their names. 

" Being brought up to like the surroundings 
of well bred English life and all the luxury at- 
tending it, they could not be satisfied if its doors 
were closed upon them. No> it is better, though 
bad as it is, and my dear, beautiful sister's name 
must be kept fair. Once my sister told me 
there were moments when she could scarcely 
stand it all and she was ready to venture any- 
thing to get away from the horrors of her life. 
But she was always saved by the thought of 
those around her to whom so much sorrow 
would be brought." 

The tears were in my eyes and I answered, 
" She is right." A great admiration filled me 



118 SOMK LICTTKRS OK AN AMKKK AN WOMAN 

for this beautiful creature and I loved her then 
and there. Then, dear, a thankfulness came 
over me that things were with me as they are. 
I have you and you me ; our Un'e is our own 
and though separated for awhile still we both 
know we possess the love of the other. I feel 
almost like a foolish child for kicking at the 
pricks in my path. Thank he^iven that I am 
not in the place of Lady Francis. I do not 
know that I could stand it. A feeling that I 
would hate him so that a desire to almost kill 
him would come up(Mi me. So you see, dear, 
what a dreadful creature you have in me. Oh, 
I love you, and that is enough for me. 

Well, to continue my account of our delight- 
ful visit. Through the halls and turrets and up 
to the tower to see the charming quiet English 
view. The green fields, the cattle in the dis- 
tance, the streams running through the green 
pastures all brought a sweet, peaceful rest to 
one's soul. Then downstairs through the large 
hall where deer heads galore stood witness to 
the hunting desires of the lords of the mansion. 
Afternoon tea with a very pleasing company of 
England's best society. Then dinner — and this 
affair was quite brilliant. All the women in low 
neck, of course, but, 1 must confess, with a 
scrawny set of bones. Really Lily and I felt 



CONCERNING LOVK AND OTHER THIN(;s, 1]'.) 

quite comfortable when we realized we had no 
such horror as bones. I had very pleasant men 
on each side of me who did their best to enter- 
tain me and succeeded though they interlarded 
their conversation with many Ohs, and Ahs. 
Still they were a study in human nature, and 
this is always interesting. 

We said a sorrowful goodbye to Lady Fran- 
cis this morning and here we are in London 
and over to Paris to-morrow. 

Dear, you will be glad to hear Lily and I 
made a very good impression, so Sir Lionel 
says. Our country need not blush for us. 

Sweetheart, with a heart full and brimming 
over with love I am always 

Yours. 



120 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 



LETTER XXIII. 

Dearest : 

Here we are in Paris. We crossed from 
New Haven to Dieppe and such a topsy-turvy 
time as we did have. I simply could not keep 
my feet but fortunately was able to remain on 
deck and by so doing proved myself a very 
fair sailor. Once I went below but the sights 
I saw there, — dilapidated looking women from 
whom all love of self and appearance had gone 
drove me forth as nothing else would. Noth- 
ing so demoralizing as mal de mer. 

What a quaint pretty little town Dieppe is. 
For the first time one feels in a sense abroad. 
One's mother tongue left' behind, and no mat- 
ter how good one's French is, when one meets 
for the first time a native on his own soil one 
wonders what on earth is rushing forth from 
out his lips. Fairly a stream of words. In 
time one begins to catch and understand a 
litde. Through the pretty French country we 
flew, past Amiens where I would have liked to 
stopped, but could not as our time was limited. 
When at last we reached the Gare St. Lazare, 
I was fairly tired to death. Bumped, bumped, 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 121 

bumped — we had been for full four hours and 
this, to say the least, after crossing the channel 
is not most exhilarating. Sir Lionel and Mr. 
Wood are with us. Mr. Wood said Lily was 
not to be permitted to taste the gaieties of 
Paris without his presence and Sir Lionel said 
that knowing I would be left to look out much 
for myself he would come, too. So here we all 
are in this great and awful city. The hustle, 
buzz, and roar are tremendous and at first I 
felt as if my head were spinning. 

There is something very seductive in this city 
of Paris, the air of gaiety and lack of responsi- 
bility contagious. Lily and I came to a charm- 
ing pension kept by Americans and near the 
Bois, on the Avenue MacMahon, from which 
we get a fine view of the Arc de Triomphe. The 
men went to the Hotel Ritz on Place Vendome 
and there we are to dine to-morrow with them. 

So tired were we with our trip we retired 
early and slept the sleep of the just. I think I 
did not wake up once for full nine hours. Lily 
says I am the most intemperate person as to 
sleep she ever knew, I never seem to get 
enough. Well, at any rate it keeps me fresh 
and young. This morning a charming little 
tray of breakfast was served in our rooms by a 
sweet French maiden. After this our escorts 



122 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMEKICAN WOMAN 

arrived and we started on a drive, a kind of 
tour of inspection, to get our idea of locality 
straightened out. We drove down the Champs- 
Elysees, through Place de la Concorde, along 
Rue Rivoli, past the Garden of the Tuileries 
and from thence down into the heart of the 
shopping district and into that charmed street 
of the couturieres and magasins, Rue de la Paix. 
Here I think Lily and I enjoyed a few hours to 
our hearts' content and I fear my purse was 
much the lighter. But, dear, I could not help 
it, everything one wanted not only for one's 
self but for one's friend and especially, dear, for 
you. My trunk is more than half full of things for 
you. You w^ill have to send for me just out of 
curiosity to see what is in this mysterious trunk 
of mine for yourself. 

I am counting off the days and each morning 
feel one day nearer to my love. Can it be pos- 
sible that really months roll between us and our 
last meeting, and other months must come and 
go before we meet again ? There are times 
when I feel I cannot, cannot stand it and yet I 
must. 

In one of your letters received the other day 
you say you hate to think of not being with me 
and seeing all my pleasure and hearing all my 
impressions on this my first visit to Europe, that 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 123 

this should fall to the lot of others is almost 
unbearable. Beloved, remember this, you shall 
know all I do and think and no one can 
ever or shall hold the place in my heart that 
you do. 

After our shopping we all went to Poissard's 
to lunch where they served us a most delicious 
meal much after the fashion of New York. Then 
a drive to the Bois, and this I found delightful, 
the drives through unending woods most pleas- 
ing, then the gaily dressed women most charm- 
ing. We stopped at the Cafe d'Armenonville 
and here the seductive music, pretty and gaily 
dressed women fairly turned one's head with 
pleasure. One sight that amused me much was 
a Jap, dressed in native costume with two young 
Japanese girls, one on each side, dressed a la 
Parisienne. Turks, Hindoos, Hottentots may 
be seen in the Bois and on the Champs Elysees 
and not make the people of Paris turn their 
heads. A very common thing is to see a 
man between two women, their arms around 
each other driving in a fiacre, and all 
enjoying themselves hugely. Everybody is 
merry, seriousness is thrown to the winds ; no 
matter what one is doing, no matter what class 
of life, all is the same. Pleasure, pleasure, 
pleasure. Women are quite willing to share one 



124 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

man, no jealousy seems to reign. The oddest, 
queerest set of people I ever knew. 

But still it teaches us this lesson we Ameri- 
cans can be too serious and that our people 
get very little pleasure. I think here one might 
shout, "Vive la gaiete ! " even at the last gasp ! 

We returned to our pension quite tired out 
and glad to rest for a few hours. Then after 
dining quietly, drove to the Comedie Frangaise 
and saw " Le Fils Natural " acted. Beautifully 
done and the women exquisitively gowned, but 
it rather bored me. The French theatre to me 
is too lacking in action. Our American theatre 
is much more interesting as well as the English. 
In London one can have one's fill of theatres 
'and there I did enjoy going very much. The 
Comedie Frangaise was full and near me sat a 
beautiful young woman dressed to perfection, 
but to my surprise she entered alone as did a 
few other young women, all dressed exquisitely. 
These I was told belonged to the other half 
of the world upon whom we would turn our 
backs. A sense of great pity stirred me for 
them but I soon realized I was wasting all my 
sympathy for they looked decidedly happy and 
utterly oblivious of us and what we thought, 
evidently thinking we had the worst of it. 

Our escorts suggested a cafe after the play. 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 125 

and so to the Cafe de la Paix we went. There 
we saw all the fashionable foreigners in Paris, 
many Americans, and some we knew. This 
amused us till the early hours of the morning, 
when we rolled home to our pension, glad to 
drop into bed. Before retiring, though, I re- 
read some of your letters, as I always do, 
hoping they will make my dreams all the hap- 
pier and bring you to me. 
With a heart full of love, 

Yours forever. 



126 • SOME LETTICKS OF AN AMICIUCAN WOMAN 



LETTER XXIV. 

Ah, dear, another budj^^^t of your letters 
made my heart ache with homesick longing for 
you, but, then, how at the same time they ease 
that heartache with the knowledge that you 
love me and miss me and that your heart 
answers every throb of mine. You say if it 
were not that you know and trust me, and 
would with your dying breath believe in me, 
you would feel jealous of this Sir Lionel. 
Dearest, this you know, no matter who is 
friendly to me, and I like my friends — men 
friends, too — for you alone my heart beats, and 
what is hidden there none but you can see. 
Then to you I owe my very self. From the 
day we first met somehow my being seemed to 
grow and the woman in me to unfold, that 
sympathy within me to develop without which 
no being can be human or touch that highest 
chord of all, the ability to know and understand 
another creature's joys and woes. To you I 
owe this greatest gift of all, for at your touch 
my soul grew, and now 1 know I am akjn to all 
the world. There is no joy or sorrow that now 
I somehow could not understand. Dear, I 



CONCERNING I.OVE AND OTHER THINGS. 127 

thank you for this gift from the bottom of my 
heart — the noblest, truest gift that man could 
give. How I read and love your letters ; they 
seem to be a little of yourself and to be a 
promise of that meeting that I trust is not far 
distant. Dear, I love you ; this my message, 
first and last. 

This morning we spent at the Louvre, and, 
indeed, so enamored was I of the place that I 
intend to snatch a few hours from many days 
to spend there. We secured a splendid guide, 
who seemed to really know and love 'the pic- 
tures. He took us through the Chambre carree, 
a museum full of quaint and beautiful things, a 
collection of centuries. 

My breath was nearly taken away when we 
came upon " Winged Victory " standing at the 
top of a staircase, which, as one approaches it, 
really seems more imposing from its situation 
than the great "Venus" which is at the end of 
a long corridor. She is truly beautiful. One 
stood spellbound before her ; and a curious 
thing I noticed as I looked. On one side she 
is grave and sad, and when one looks at her 
from the other she is smiling. 

This gives a touch of human feeling, soul, to 
this marble beauty, and if from her high pedes- 
tal she could step down and speak she would 



128 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

answer to our feeling and be a creature like 
unto ourselves. With tiiis feeling grows a sense 
that she lived once long ago, and perhaps for 
some human sinning, that made her lovely as she 
is, she was destined to remain ages cold, sta- 
tioned where she is but allowed to give to each 
one as they gaze upon her, a touch of life, that 
thrills and warms them to the heart, and per- 
haps later, at the end of all time, when her sin 
is expiated to the full, to return to life again. 
Am I foolish, dear? Yes, I know I am, but I 
see you smiling as you read and know you 
love me for this self same foolishness. 

We passed into the vast rooms full of por- 
traits and paintings and here I watched many 
a young artist striving to learn all he could 
from old-time teachers. One young girl 
attracted me particularly, she was very beauti- 
ful, with dark hair, and pensive dark brown 
eyes full of artistic longing, I stood beside 
her and watched her copying the well known 
portrait of Titian's mistress. A very fascinat- 
ing and warm-looking human woman. Who 
could resist her ? Surely no weak creature, 
man. I am quite glad she is dead long ago, 
for I fear I would be even just a little afraid to 
have you know her, dear. 

One portrait that made a deep impression 



CONCEKNINCi LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 129 

upon me was Murillo's famous madonna. One 
seems to rise from earth to heaven. There in 
that face no passion dwelt, save that of deep 
motherhood, sympathizing with all the world. 
All was purified and every thought was saintly, 
far above us poor creatures here below. And 
yet, as I looked, her eyes seemed to be turned 
full upon me, and to have a sadness in them 
indicative of suffering for the sins of the whole 
world. She, a sinless woman, seemed to under- 
stand the sinner and to have the deepest pity 
for him. Somehow I seemed to know she 
knew a sinner stood there right before her 
needing much her prayers of intercession. 
Being truly human one cannot stand these 
states of exaltation long, and one turns to the 
portraits of the sinful beauties, Mary Magda- 
lens, suffering deeply for their sins, but feeling 
sure that to every sufferer they would hold out 
a hand and if they could would sacrifice them- 
selves to help another. 

A curious feeling came upon me as I looked 
on the face of the madonna, and I felt she knew 
and understood these self-same women, and 
forgave. 

A charming picture of Raphael hung upon 
the walls, a portrait by himself. David's picture 
of the coronation of Napoleon interested me 



130 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

much. What a wonderful man ! and how one 
feels his inspiration all through Paris and 
France ! Many of Van Dyck's pictures hold 
one's attention, especially that of the little 
princes with the dog at their side. Pictures by 
Velasquez, the great Spanish painter, Rubens, 
horrible pictures to me and many others, too 
much for me to attempt to write you now. But, 
dear, just think how much I shall have to tell 
you when we meet. I think I shall never stop 
talking, but I know I shall have a tireless 
listener. This will be my great delight. 

After our morning at the Louvre, Lily and I 
went to one of the Duval restaurants, being by 
ourselves, and feeling sure they were quite 
respectable, and here I think they always 
serve delicious little luncheons. They have a 
very delightful little " creme de marron " that, 
being fond of sweets, I enjoy. After luncheon 
we returned home to rest awhile, and then were 
joined at four o'clock by our escorts and drove 
out to the Bois, and this time went to the Cafe 
Cascade, and enjoyed a lazy afternoon there, 
afterwards dining at the hotel Ritz and going to 
the theatre,seeing Sarah Bernhardt in Frou-frou. 

To me she is interesting but too intense and 
tiger like. I like a more human, natural 
woman, not one so much akin to the feline 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 131 

tribe. We reach home every night tired out 
and I fall asleep in two minutes, and, dear, you 
often come to me then and we go together over 
these scenes. 

Darling, yours as ever 



132 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 



LETTER XXV. 

Dearest : 

To-day we gave to the Luxembourg, Notre- 
Dame and 1' Hotel de Cluny. How interesting 
the galleries at the Luxembourg,but not as much 
so as those at the Louvre. Still one was entranced 
by many of the beautiful pictures there. Among 
them was Cabanel's Rising of Venus, specimens 
of portraits by Carolus Duran, pictures of Bou- 
guereau and Schreyer, Marie Bashkirtseff's own 
sketches and Corot's landscapes. One could 
spend many hours here, and if I can find time 
with our limited stay intend to do so. How I 
would enjoy being a student in the Latin 
Quarter, and having time to study art to the full 
and meet these Bohemian artists and see life from 
their standpoint. Nothing matters, all so easy, 
either riches or poverty. A hundred francs 
to-day and none to-morrow. As we drove 
through this quarter the other day the atmos- 
phere of studious quiet so impressed me ; broad, 
bright streets with bookstores and magasins of 
art implements, etc., and all that was necessary 
to a student's life, be the study what it may. 

My mind had been prepared to see a dingy, 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 133 

squalid neighborhood, but far from it. All the 
houses looked so neat and clean and the boule- 
vards so wide. Of course once inside these 
houses and up the winding- stairs one would 
find many squalid rooms and dingy attics 
where many a poor student lives on very 
meagre fare. Here one would see the pretty 
models, thinking no ill and indeed knowing 
none, living their Bohemian lives from day to 
day ; and many, heart and soul, devoted to 
some artist for whom they would sacrifice their 
all, perhaps in the end to be lightly thrown 
aside broken-hearted. 

One hears so much of the mysteries of their 
balls in this Latin Quarter, and a desire to fer- 
ret out their secrets comes over me, but to only 
the initiated is this allowed, and I imagine from 
what I hear it would be far better for a sedate 
matron like myself not to venture across these 
sacred bounds, certainly without her husband. 
It might be too surprising ! 

After our walk through the Luxembourg we 
spent awhile sitting in the gardens watching the 
students from the Latin Quarter. This was 
most entertaining and I gave full play to my 
imagination, weaving many a story around this 
young girl and that beautiful woman, that 
strange old man and interesting youth, and so 



134 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

on. I think I could have sat there all day. But 
our time was precious and we had to hurry on 
to Notre-Dame. What a magnificent Gothic 
building this. Its impressive lines and propor- 
tions are grand and filled one with the greatest 
wonder that there ever lived people who could 
build such structures. 

Surely this art is lost to-day and may we only 
hope that some day it returns. How beautiful 
the stained glass windows, arches. In some 
respects this cathedral was more artistically per- 
fect than Westminister Abbey but not so full of 
historical memories. 

One of the picturesque though grotesque 
features of this edifice was the gargoyles on the 
outside. What weird imaginations invented 
these ? I am told that in times of war gargoyles 
were often used to pour hot oil upon the enemy 
through their horrible mouths. Oh, the cruel 
barbarism of the past ! 

From Notre-Dame we went to see the Morgue. 
Fortunately the men were with us or I could 
not have brought myself to look upon these 
poor, deserted, homeless creatures. At first I 
kept my eyes closed, but then a weird curiosity 
got the better of me and I opened them to see 
some poor distressed and lonely creature lying 
on the slab. Who knew them ; and what their 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 135 

secret ? Who were they ? Driven to despair 
their last resting place here. How dreadful ! 
And shuddering I begged the party to return to 
the outside life and air. Lily looked very 
white and was just as glad to leave behind 
those gruesome sights as I was. 

It was some time before I could get my 
bright spirits back again, and so the men 
insisted upon our driving to a good restaurant 
where we enjoyed a nice lunch and bottle of 
wine. 

Later in the afternoon we went to I'Ecole des 
Beaux Arts where I was particularly impressed 
by the pieces of sculpture we saw. Many the 
first attempt of the best sculptors of the day 
and the copies of well-known pictures seen in 
other European galleries. 

We ended our day by visiting the Palais de 
Cluny, and this old palace enchanted me. The 
beautiful collections of old china, most delight- 
ful. The charming rooms with old furniture of 
all descriptions where fascinating kings and 
queens of France have lived and died. How 
crude we seem on our side the water to have no 
past. How it makes one long for one. 

At last Lily and I were very weary and could 
not look at another thing and to refresh our- 
selves persuaded our escorts to drive us to the 



186 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

Bois where we stopped at the Cafe Madrid, and 
enjoyed the pretty women and their dressing. 
This latter is so dehghtful to watch in Paris. 
The women all chic and charming. Fluffy lace 
gowns of all descriptions. Then home to rest, 
and after dinner we have persuaded our escorts 
to take us to see some of the rather gay cafes. 
We have heard so much of these, such as the 
Moulin Rouge. I know you would not mind, 
mon mari, that I should have just a little glimpse 
of this wide world. 

Dearest, all the love I have I send you and 
this is an unending store. 

Always yours. 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 137 



LETTER XXVI. 
Dear Heart : 

What an amusing time we did have the other 
night taking a little racy tour through a few of 
the gayer cafes. Of course, mein liebchen, we 
were very careful to keep our steps away from 
the very dreadful ones ; the path of evil is so 
broad and so easily gone down, one must be 
very careful to eschew it. Well, dear, all my 
sins shall be told you and I hope and trust to 
receive absolution. What confessor half so 
good as you, my most dear and tolerant husband. 
Do you think that sometimes the poor little 
nuns so far removed from all the world and its 
deadly sins like to take their troubles to their 
confessor because he is a man ? I know, dear, 
that I am a heretic, but after all, these sweet- 
faced women, some of them quite beautiful, are 
still human, and might stir up some poor con- 
fessor more than he would like. Or perhaps, 
he might not mind so very much ! 

The Moulin Rouge seemed to me just an 
ordinary garden, a small edition of our summer 
ones at home, with scenic railways, slides, etc., 
pretty women, from the shop girls screaming 



1;{H SOMIC LKTTEUS OF AN AMKUlCAN WOMAN 

and laug-hing^, and apparently harmlessly enjoy- 
ing an outing with their beaux. Dancing reigned 
supreme, and occasionally from out the crowd 
some fair damsel would come and all alone 
give us quite an exhibition of her kicking. 
One thing struck me forcibly — so many girls 
together, dancing, laughing, and apparently 
such good friends and as glad to be together 
as if they had a man to dance with. American 
girls never look so satisfied together, but I sup- 
pose I must believe that all these French ones 
are so very, very bad, yet somehow, these 
Trilbys look so very innocent and almost make 
us think that we have made a mistake and are 
too prim. They seem to say, " We believe in 
making merry, trying to forget our woes and 
making those around us do the same, loving 
everyone who comes near us ; are we then so 
very bad ? " 

Dear, I believe if I should stay in this awful 
Paris long my morals would fly to the winds. 
I feel sure, however, dear, these self-same litde 
Trilbys, waking up to the fact some day, that 
no one really loves them, and that they are 
lightly thrown aside to die in a garret or find a 
bed in the Seine, will know that nothing in this 
world can be like the faithful lifelong love of 
man to woman, standing all tests of years and 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 189 

trials, lasting- through this life and on into the 
next. Perhaps among these women many gave 
their love to some cowardly, undeserving man, 
who threw them off Hghtly as he would his 
coat. To my mind there is no punishment bad 
enough for such an one, and my heart goes out 
in pity for his victim. 

We took a look into the Cafe PEnfer — awful 
place ; tables fashioned like coffins, waiters 
dressed like undertakers, and everything used 
suggestive of the lower regions. It gave me 
such a turn I could not stay. Then we took a 
glimpse into " Ciel," and there we felt raised 
above — angels everywhere and nothing of this 
world at all. This we found quite a blessing, 
but I trust we will not find heaven quite so full 
of tinsel 1 

Before driving home we took a passing look 
into the Jardin de Paris, but hearing it was 
very wicked I made my party hurry on. All I 
could see, dear, was a few girls dancing like 
our ballet girls at home, only not half so 
naughty. Well, at any rate, we had a very 
amusing evening, and I do not think our 
morals are any the worse. 

On Sunday last we drove out to Versailles, 
and, being the first of the month, saw the 
fountains at play — a charming sight. Our es- 



140 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

corts secured an easy carriage with two fine 
horses and splendid EngHsh coachman. The 
drive out in itself was most interesting and 
pretty. We went through the quaint town of 
St. Germain and that of Sevres, where it is well 
known the beautiful china of that name is made. 
When we reached Versailles we secured our 
luncheon table first, for such a crowd as there 
was, of both foreigners and natives, one could 
not trust to luck at the last moment. After this 
was settled we secured a funny guide who, to 
our surprise, was English. He wore a bright 
boutonniere, and this he said he was always 
known by. If we ever wished to have him 
again or any of our friends, to ask for "L'homme 
avec la boutonniere." I was just as glad he 
was English, for the French do gabble so fast, 
and here I wanted to understand every word. 
The fascination of this old court centre to me 
was so great that words cannot express it. 
Through those long and innumerable avenues 
of trees we walked and one could picture to 
oneself the days long since gone by when the 
court assembled and many beautiful women 
and handsome men, all gaily dressed, walked 
through these lanes, the love affairs and intri- 
gues that must have been enacted here, allur- 
ing to the imagination, and one only wishes 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 141 

those fine old days could once more be ; and 
from behind those trees one could be allowed 
to witness the scene, a silent, unseen spectator, 
with this one privilege — the power to read the 
secrets of the actors' hearts. Could anything 
consume one with more interest than this? 
Surely France needs a court again. She loves 
the finery, tinsel and splendor attending it. It 
scarcely seems France without it. 

We were taken through the magnificent 
apartments of the palace and I almost stood 
open mouthed with wonder. The proportion 
of the rooms superb, the carving, woodwork 
and decorations grand. The inlaid floor so 
exquisite, superb mirrors rising high above the 
floors with gilded frames so perfect, such 
beautiful furniture everywhere, and collections 
of most valuable curios, one of the grandest 
parts of these old palaces being the magnificent 
suites of rooms covering large areas of space, 
opening one into another, state rooms, recep- 
tion rooms, banqueting halls, bed chambers, 
portrait galleries, audience halls, one after an- 
other — superb — magnificent. Where could one 
see such things to-day ? 

Certainly many of our millionaires have their 
great castles, but all those seductive memories 
of grand lady and noble lord are wanting. No 



142 SOME LETTERS OK AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

kings or queens inhabited them long, long ago 
and left behind them sweet-scented odors that 
bring to one's mind the lives and tragedies 
enacted there during many centuries. 

Ye millionaires of America may have your 
palaces, but they are lifeless things, the very 
soul of them is wanting — the history of living, 
throbbing centuries of noble men and women. 

We saw Le Grand Trianon and Le Petit 
Trianon, also the beautiful little village where 
Marie Antoinette and her court played at farm- 
ing. How often she must have wished it were 
not simply " make believe " and that she could 
really be the happy, thoughtless, free creature 
that she played to be. Poor, unhappy woman! 
Had she then a premonition of her fate to 
come ? 

Dear, I must not forget to tell you how one 
room in the palace impressed me greatly, that 
of all of Napoleon's portraits, sad to say, and I 
think France has a right to be very angry at 
this, England owns one of the very finest — the 
portrait of Napoleon on the Bellerophon. 

What a wonderful creature he, to have shame- 
lessly walked into the apartments of kings 
unasked, and stamped his " N " there. No 
wonder they tossed their aristocratic heads and 
would have killed this upstart. What did he 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. \Ui 

care ? He wanted what they had and meant to 
have it. 

I must not forget to mention, dear, those 
lovely portraits of Vigee Le Brun, which are so 
exquisite and hang upon these old walls and 
bring before one those who lived here long ago. 

After luncheon we roamed out into the gar- 
dens in time to view the beautiful spectacle of 
the spouting fountain. Innumerable fountains 
everywhere and at a given signal all played at 
once — a most fascinating sight. 

Then in the starlight we drove home and I 
felt we had had a very perfect day, only want- 
ing for me that one great thing — you. With- 
out this my days are all empty. 

With great love, 

Yours always. 



144 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 



LETTER XXVII. 
Dear Heart : 

We had a most enchanting day at F'ontaine- 
bleau. We took the train from Paris, hiring a 
carriage on our arrival at the country station 
and had a most deHghtful drive through the 
forests, magnificent trees and endless roads 
winding through them. One feels it would be 
so easy to lose one's way and never hnd the 
path back — and the gnomes and fairies living 
there seize one for their own. One curious sight 
was two trees, having separate trunks, grown 
together at the top, apparently a branch from 
one peeping over to and seizing the other. 
These trees, with true Frenchiness, were called 
the lovers. 

One could have taken several days to this 
place, but not having the time we were forced 
to shorten our stay here to a few hours and I 
fear we missed much that would have been most 
interesting, but you and I, dear, must come here 
together some day in that sweet future that I 
long for. We were taken to see a well so deep 
that no one could see the bottom. We threw 
water down, and, after many minutes anxious 
waiting, heard the splash. Also we lit papers 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 145 

and let them fly, whirling, whirling round till 
they disappeared out of sight. Gone, no one 
knew where. One felt a desire to follow after, 
to see what had become of them, but this would 
be a little too hazardous. Our guide asked us 
to allow some sisters with a few children to join 
our party as in this way he could economize 
time. Such a bright, merry set as the sisters 
were, having their jokes with our guide, which 
to say the least were quite Frenchy to our Puri- 
tanical ears. 

To my imagination sisters were always grave, 
sedate, and scarcely dared even to speak to a 
man, but far from it these sisters. They even 
tried to get up quite a flirtation with Sir Lionel 
and Mr. Wood, who, nothing loth, helped them 
on, much to my amusement, but as for Lily — I 
do not think she altogether liked it. She and 
Mr. Wood have their ups and downs, so like 
children, some days hardly speak, and then 
make up. This I think they hugely like and are 
the best of friends. I let Lily talk to me all she 
wants to, and every night she joins me before I 
retire and we have a long, confidential chat, 
dear to all women's hearts and tell each other 
all our secrets except those I keep just for you, 
dear, and some I know Lily keeps for Mr. Wood, 
or will some day. 



MC) SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

So with the sisters, guide and children, we 
wandered for some time, hours it seemed to me, 
over hill and dale and through woods. We 
came upon a rock from which we had a far- 
reaching view, and one could almost believe 
we could see the whole of France. 

Sometimes, dear, I wish it would not always 
fall to my lot to wander round with Sir Lionel, 
but Lily and Mr. Wood fly off and of course I 
cannot blame them. Sir Lionel is always so the 
gentleman, and never says or does a thing he 
should not, but loving you as I do with all my 
heart and soul, I do not want another man to 
perhaps, unknowingly, take a fancy to me. It 
would go hard with Sir Lionel, I know, for he 
would suffer in silence, and no real woman 
wants any man to suffer for her. Sir Lionel 
has entered into business in New York, and I 
tell him, when we get back, I intend to throw 
him with some very pretty, fascinating woman, 
and he must please me by loving her and then 
marrying her, for being a great matchmaker, I 
shall not be satisfied until I see him happy with 
his wife. He always smiles and says he does 
not want a wife and is quite content as he is, 
only asking for my friendship and hoping one 
day to have yours. 

Some day, I tell him, you are to know each 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 147 

Other. I know you would like him, and be 
good friends. But this, my dear heart, I have 
determined to do on our return, and Lily thinks 
it a good plan, too ; try to get him interested in 
some nice available woman. I have a beauty 
in my mind, you know her — Marion Welsh — 
and were once, dear, quite her captive. And 
then after bringing them tactfully together, 
without Sir Lionel knowing it, make him see 
less of me and much of her. Please commend 
your wife's well meant, kindly strategy, dear. 
Leave a woman to these things. 

After seeing as much as possible of the forest, 
we dined at 1' Hotel de France et d'Angleterre, 
and indeed we did enjoy our meal, being raven- 
ous as wolves, and to our tired senses the Hun- 
garian band seemed most restful and romantic. 
We dined al fresco and this is so delightful on 
a balmy summer day, and this was just a per- 
fect one, the sky deep blue, with a few snow 
white clouds to relieve it, and the air faintly 
stirring, with a soft, gentle breeze. After giving 
due time to the digestion of our meal, and 
with no undue haste, we visited the castle here. 

Beautiful and full of magnificent rooms, as at 
Versailles, but not to my mind quite so alluring. 
One of the most beautiful and most perfect of 
the suites here was the one of Madame de 



148 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

Maintenon, all the furniture gold brocade and 
pink roses, to one's feminine mind simply ideal. 
Could any woman be unhappy with such sur- 
roundings ? To my mind she is a provoking 
character, why not either saint or sinner? There 
is much to be forgiven (if an honest and attrac- 
tive one) to the latter, but a saint and sinner, that 
can never be tolerated. 

One of the saddest things one saw at Fon- 
tainebleau was Napoleon Bonaparte's signature 
to his abdication in favor of the little king of 
Rome. Such a dreadful, scratchy handwriting, 
and one feels the man who wrote it must have 
felt that all was over and his star, that till now 
had shone bright and steady, was diminishing 
fast and setting never to arise again. This 
manuscript is kept carefully under glass ; one 
could not help feeling very sorry for the man 
and pity him for his ambition shattered. 

During our drives of this day we passed the 
chateau of Millet's son who has done good 
work as a painter, but is much overshadowed 
by his father's success. Lily and I are deeply 
interested in our work for next winter and have 
bought many pictures and photographs, with 
which to decorate our studios. How I do hope 
we may make some success of our undertaking. 
Well, at any rate it will keep us occupied, and 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 149 

help to pass the days till you send for me, dear. 
My heart fairly leaped for joy, when in one of 
your last letters you said you hoped to be sent 
next year to the Mediterranean, where you would 
send immediately for me and put a stop to my 
wanderings without you, which you could not 
bear. How I love you for those words and I 
kissed them, love. I hate these travels without 
you, just as much as you do. Darling, always 
and forever, 

Yours. 



150 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 



LETTER XXVIII. 

Dearest : 

You tell me not to forget to buy myself some 
pretty gowns, that you always like to think of 
me as daintily and well dressed. You need 
have no worry on this score, and I cannot be 
too glad you are a man who likes to see his 
wife well gowned, a man who is mean in this 
direction is too detestable for words, is fit for 
"treason, stratagem and spoils." Lily and I, 
notwithstandingour active sight-seeing, manage 
to get in fittings at some of the leading mod- 
istes. Our gowns are simply perfect, and how 
I hope, dear, the wheel of fortune may turn so 
you may see me in mine. As I get fitted for 
these fiuffy, dainty confections, and view my- 
self in the mirror, and see a very attractive 
reflection, my heart sinks at the thought they 
may be all worn out when next I see you. Half 
my heart, dear, in my dressing is for you. 
Knowing this, cheri, you could not love me 
half so well did I not care that you should see 
me looking just as perfect as I could be, and 
that others too should know that you had a wife 
whose faith was this — to even gown herself more 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 151 

perfectly for husband than for fiance. Surely 
one can hardly blame the man for growing 
weary of the woman who cares no longer how 
her husband sees her dressed. No matter how 
small the pocket book, the woman who cares, 
and knows the value of looking her best in her 
husband's eyes, and wearing her best for him 
(not saving the prettiest gown always for com- 
pany), can manage to have a becoming ward- 
robe. Even the simplest can be pretty and 
fresh. And the man who will not aid his wife 
to look her best for him according to his 
means is a " beast " and gives the best cause 
for divorce. 

Now, my lord and master (mis-termed appli- 
cation), those are the heretical opinions of your 
docile wife. Dear, I love you, love you, love 
you ; first, for this, whatever I say or do or 
think you are always there to listen, help and 
understand. I think there could be no union 
more perfect than ours. Even when I say 
nothing, you can almost read my thoughts and 
this I know, there is nothing in your heart, or 
in your mind I could not comprehend. That 
tell-tale face of yours could not keep a secret 
from me. 

One day Lily and I gave just to driving from 
" couturiere to couturiere" along the Rue de la 



152 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

Paix, and Place Vendome, and all that neigh- 
borhood, seeing everything, and then choosing 
what we wanted, and indeed this was not easy, 
for such a mass of beautiful creations almost 
turned our feminine minds. Every day the 
leading houses have a display of these gowns 
between ten and twelve in the morning, and 
four and six in the afternoons. Really it is a 
fascinating show, and better than going to the 
theatre. Beautiful models, with perfect figures, 
don these superb confections one after another, 
and walk before one. Every woman in Paris, 
be of what class she may, has a fine figure, and 
always well gowned, never dowdily, and has 
that indescribable " chic" air. We simply had a 
delightful day, going from one place to the 
other and at last I settled upon a Francis 
gown, some beautiful ball and house gowns at 
Doucet and Raudnitz. Lily decided she would 
try Beer, Paquin, Jeanne Halle and some others. 
The dressmakers in Paris number legion and 
many of the simple unknown ones are very 
good. One tires of these eternal models one 
sees so often copied at home, and longs to have 
something individual. The Parisian mind fairly 
bubbles and boils over with ideas, but the mind 
American can carry out these ideas much the 
better and also if given the chance can create- 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 



153 



This, I believe, is coming and some day New 
York will lead with her creations. 

Frequently one sees in Paris advertisements 
of American goods and also English. The 
"straight front corset " seems to have origi- 
nated in America. Whether this is to be con- 
sidered hygienic or an instrument of torture 
seems to be hanging in the balance. What 
woman cares much about this if it is the 
fashion, the sensible one must follow it. 

Dear, I have a friend whose husband is al- 
ways nagging her (this art is not one that 
belongs only to the gentler sex) about her mode 
of dressing. This is unhealthy, that is extrav- 
agant, and so on, ad mfinituniy and she, poor, 
fooHsh thing, follows his directions and turns 
out quite a sight. And did not I see this very 
wretch desert his wife in one of these most sen- 
sible of gowns and devote himself to a charming 
woman, gowned to perfection a la mode, and in 
all those inventions of the devil, as he terms 
them? Certainly the devices of his satanic 
majesty held this weak man captive for many 
an hour, and his poor wife almost in tears. She 
should have turned and rent him, but the poor 
thing quietly accepted it. I hate a man who 
holds his wife a domestic slave. 

After our shopping, Lily and I frequently go 



154 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

to Columbine's, about five in the afternoon, for 
chocolate and tea, and to see all the Americans 
in Paris, and always find some one we know 
with whom to have a pleasant chat. Soon our 
visit here will be ended, and we sail next week 
from Cherbourg in the Deutschland for home. 
I can scarcely believe our little trip is nearly 
over. I have, indeed, enjoyed it, and have 
much to thank my friends for in helping me 
pass the time when separated from you. Lily, 
the most perfect and unselfish of friends, has 
been truly lovely to me, and I can never forget 
her devotion. 

It is very interesting watching her affair with 
Mr. Wood. He will have his hands full, but be 
the possessor of a perfect woman, with a splen- 
did character. They do not intend to be mar- 
ried until the spring, so Lily and I can carry out 
our plans for our joint studio next winter. We 
have bought many things with which to artistic- 
ally furnish our den, but what, with our gowns 
beside, we will do when we reach those dread- 
ful custom house officials, I do not know. We 
hear most awful tales, and tremble in our boots. 

Dearest, I wonder what you are doing, think- 
ing, just this minute. Sometimes the desire to 
see you grows so very, very great I can scarcely 
stand this awful waiting day by day, and de- 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 155 

spair almost fills me. Cruel fate, how can it 
treat us so ? Fortunately, I have your letters, 
and fly to them when near distracted, and read 
your dear, dear words over, love, till they are 
well written — graven on my heart. 
Dearest, my whole self is forever 

Yours. 



156 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 



LETTER XXIX. 

Darling : 

I can hardly believe to-morrow we leave Paris 
en route to Cherbourg, there to embark on our 
homeward journey. I hope some day to see 
these streets again, but trust it may be in your, 
my most cherished company. 

Yesterday we went out to St. Denis to see the 
cathedral where so many of the kings and 
queens of France lie buried, dating back to the 
Carlovingian and Merovingian dynasties. If 
it were not for the sun and air that streams 
through the beautiful stained glass windows of 
these edifices, one would think one was buried 
with the musty dead and the present gone for- 
ever, swallowed up in the deep sea of the past. 
One is filled with strange interest and feelings, 
wandering from tomb to tomb, upon which lies, 
in carved marble, the figure of the man or 
woman buried underneath. How full one's 
brain to overflowing of imaginings concerning 
the lives of those who rest there, waiting for the 
last trump to awake them. What a strange 
medley of personages it would be if, upon this 
great day, these old kings and queens should 




AliHAVE IJIC ST. DHXIS, XU SIKCLE. 



CONCERNINf; LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 157 

arise to find many American tourists beside 
them ! What a strange time there would be ! 

We were talcen through the sacristy and 
shown some very beautiful relics around which 
hung old legends and superstitions and one 
felt inclined to smile with a pitying mockery at 
the simple folks credulity. Down to the crypt 
we went and I nearly felt smothered ; surely we 
were being hurried down into the depths, far 
from human help, to join the hosts of the 
departed. 

Really, dear, I do not like these places, and 
found myself clutching at Sir Lionel's arm. 
Dearest, please forgive me (Sir Lionel did) but 
I could not help it, a feeling of terror seized me 
and I was quite sure some of those marble 
images were moving, and beckoning for me, 
but I had no intention of staying with them and 
wished to hurry out into the light and air and 
to feel the living present and to know the tombs 
could not hold me from you yet, dear. 

One of the most impressive scenes in this 
crypt was a circular room in the centre, with a 
wall around it in which were windows with 
gratings ; one could see inside, through these, 
a dim little room and could discern two 
rude coffins, those of Marie Antoinette and 
Louis XVL A fearful pity for the fate of these 



158 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

two filled one. What a blessing to be born a 
true and independent citizen in the land of 
freedom, kings and queens unto ourselves. 
There is only one king I will ever own, and that 
is your own dear majesty. 

We wandered through the quaint old 
streets of St. Denis and came upon a tumble- 
down restaurant where we managed to get a 
passable lunch at one of the outside tables. 
Nothing would have induced me to enter the 
smelly, dark dining room. Old crones, women 
with beards and dark-faced, villainous-looking 
men seemed to inhabit the interior of this eat- 
ing house, and so you cannot wonder Lily and 
I refused to enter its portals. I am quite sure 
we would be dead by now, and every franc we 
had gone. 

A pleasant and interesting day we had, and 
on our return to Paris dined at the Cafe Ambas- 
sadeurs, ending our day at the Folies Marigny, 
where we witnessed a very charming little 
vaudeville show. One thing, dear, I am afraid 
you will censure me for, and that is how deeply 
impressed I am by the spirit of Napoleon Bona- 
parte, still walking about these streets of Paris 
everywhere. The people feel him to this day. 
My sensations were overpowering on looking 
upon his tomb at T Hotel des Invahdes. No 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 159 

impression could be carried out so well as that 
here given. The feeling that this whole build- 
ing was the tomb of Napoleon and had been 
built from the beginning just to hold this strange 
and resdess spirit. As I entered the building 
the power and fascination of the man seemed 
to hold me captive— all around the tombs and 
names of those who loved him, warriors, gen- 
erals, who followed him to death, no matter 
what his faults and these we know were great. 
The man who could so by his will hold men 
willing captives, must have had something great 
within him, and one had to render homage. 

One looks down from a surrounding gallery 
on the great granite tomb, encircling which, 
upon the floor, is a large inlaid green laurel 
wreath, upon which were written all the names 
of Napoleon's great batdes, and from the 
wreath branch out yellow rays— the sun's rays, 
the emblem of his greatness. One can hardly 
believe the great man dead ; surely his spirit 
walks the earth yet and haunts his well-beloved 
France. 

I must tell you of an amusing expedition 
Lily and I made to Ueglise St. Germain. It 
is a very pretty old-time church with memories 
of the ancient aristocradc times hanging round 
it. An old woman selling candles stood before 



160 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

an altar to the Virgin and told us whosoever 
offered up a candle to the Virgin here would 
receive her dearest wish, but for it one must 
pray a prayer to the Virgin. Notwithstanding 
my being a heretical Protestant, I did this, and 
hope, dear, from the bottom of my heart, to 
receive my wish. Being told by our old woman 
to keep it very secret — this one of the condi- 
tions of our being granted our desires — I must 
leave it, dear, for you to guess. Lily said, " You 
really did not offer up a prayer to the Virgin ? " 
And I answered, " Of course, I did, I wanted my 
wish so much, I could not afford to risk dis- 
pleasing the Holy Mother." Lily was horrified, 
being a very good and strict Episcopalian. 

We have seen many, many things so numer- 
ous, that I have not had time, dear, to write 
you about them, but these will all be the better 
for the telling. 

One could not help being delighted with the 
stained glass windows in Sainte-Chapelle, said 
to be the most beautiful in the world. We 
visited L' Academic Frangaise, where we saw 
busts of many famous writers ; some of the 
rooms here were closed to women, and of 
course, I, being a very true woman, was imme- 
diately dying to see what was inside. Why 
are you men supposed to see everything 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 161 

wicked, and we women, far more perfect crea- 
tures, nothing ? I do not want or care to, only I 
cannot help being provoked when I am told 
fruit is forbidden. Then, of course, I want to 
eat. Why not say, " Eat all you want, even to 
excess," then none of us would desire even so 
much as a bite. Sometimes it seems strange 
to me Providence did not understand this in the 
days of the Garden of Eden. 

Well, dear, dearest of all things to me, to- 
night we pack and to-morrow early, off to meet 
the steamer. Somehow I shall feel much nearer 
you in my own little apartment in New York. 
You, dear, there fill every corner. 

Always with loving faithfulness yours, my 
husband. 



162 SOME LETTEKS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 



LETTER XXX. 

Dearest : 

We are back again in New York after a 
stormy passage. The custom house officials 
gave us very Httle trouble, though my heart 
was in my mouth. I had been told not to de- 
clare anything, for no matter what one said, 
the officials did not believe you, and one's 
trunks were gone through. Strange govern- 
ment that insists upon accusing everyone of 
falsehood. This is our great and free country. 

Consequently, not being believed, everyone 
does do what the government wishes — tell a 
tarry-diddle. I was frightened almost to death 
when a very stately looking official asked me 
for my keys, which I gave, imploring him not 
to muss up and spoil everything. He gave 
me a little smiling look and said quietly, " Don't 
be worried," So I told him I put my trust in 
him. He laughed and in a few minutes passed 
me with a "nothing dutiable." All our party 
got through well, and then we drove to the 
Waldorf for luncheon, for a last little partie 
carree, thus bringing to an end our delightful 
trip. 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 168 

How we are always in this life coming to the 
end of things, and with all our pleasures so 
much sorrow is mixed. The party promising 
to see much of each other this coming winter, I 
drove to my apartment and was glad to be 
alone there for awhile. My maid had had 
everything put to order for my arrival, and the 
first thing she handed me was a budget of let- 
ters from you. These were the best welcome I 
could have had, and with the memories of you 
stirring all around, I spent the best and happiest 
hours I have for many days since your depart- 
ure. I read over and over every word of 
yours, and love them each and all, for do not 
they come right from you ? I am jealous of 
them, for have they not been seen by you and 
put down by your hand ? Stealing my right. 
You say again that you hope to so arrange 
that Fate will bring us together soon, that 
there is every chance you will be sent to the 
Mediterranean. Just to think to be there with 
you, and I have always longed to visit Italy, 
the land of my dreams, and now to think this 
may come true, crowned with the greatest joy 
of all — you. 

Cousin Mary came in a little while ago to 
see me ; she seems truly glad again to lay eyes 
on me, but much provoked at my not writing 



164 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

to her oftener. I fear my pen was so full of 
telling you things it had no time to write to 
others. But I brought out a handsome piece 
of silk and odds and ends I had picked up for 
her, and told her that though I had not written 
much, I had not altogether forgotten her. No 
one loves bright things more than cousin Mary, 
and her face fairly beamed, and soon her griev- 
ances were forgotten and we were having a 
charming confab over the fire with a cup of tea. 
I know she would like me to ask her to come 
here to spend the winter and chaperone me, for 
she keeps constantly pointing out the dangers 
and difficulties besetting a "grass widow's" 
being alone. How careful she has to be, who 
she receives and what she does, etc., but I tell 
her I think I can take care of myself. Cousin 
Mary has a very charming little home of her 
own, and I could not stand a winter of side 
lectures. 

Dear, I have some things for you that I will 
give you when we meet. One thing in partic- 
ular, a miniature of myself, set in a gold heart, 
your initials in brilliants on the outside. It 
flatters me, but for this I am glad, for when we 
are separated I want you to imagine me more 
beautiful than I am. This locket you are to 
keep, dear, near your heart, always, always. I 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 165 

have your picture, darling, in the locket you 
gave me, and wear it ever round my neck, 
but some day, beloved, I do so want your 
miniature, and I trust soon this will be your gift 
to me ; a photograph is not half so good. 

To-night Lily is coming quietly to dine with 
me. No Mr. Wood, no Sir Lionel to be allowed. 
Now I must begin my little stratagem about 
the latter. I must not let him be with me so 
much and then living here alone I fear cousin 
Mary's admonitions should be followed. Mrs. 
Grundy might begin to say things and this I 
should hate ; first, and foremost, because I 
love you so. How hard it is for man and 
woman to be friends ! Someone always has a 
word to say that hurts it. 

To-morrow Lily and I go to our studios and 
intend spending the whole day fixing them up 
to look most bewitching and attractive. I think 
this with the cups of tea brewed from the tea 
leaves of the gods, will bring us clients, don't 
you ? We are very much interested in our at- 
tempted artistic career. I trust it will not prove 
an utter failure. This I know, dear, whatever 
else my failures, my loving you can never be 
and with all the ups and downs of life your arms 
will be ever outstretched to take me in. Know- 
ing this, I am fearless and ready for any fate. 



166 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

I know this, too, my dearest, I am always ready 
to die, if need be, for you. There is nothing 
you could wish that my heart would not give. 
Only fretting at the boundaries human limita- 
tions place around it. 

Lily and I love to don our house gowns, and 
such dears as we have, fresh from Paris, all lace 
and chiffon, and to spend a few hours together 
just pouring out those foolish confidences women 
love to hear. Lily announces her engagement 
in a few days and is fairly brimming over with 
happiness. She and Mr. Wood intend being 
married early in the spring and then take a 
trip out West. Lily says she always means to 
keep up her painting and that we must have 
our studio together. She thinks it so necessary 
that a woman should not let her husband think 
that he owns every bit of heart, and mind and 
soul, she has. To keep them lovers one must 
keep husbands at bay just a little bit. 

With the love that springs from my heart 
eternally for you, I am and remain forever 

Yours. 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. I(l7 



LETTER XXXI. 
Dearest : 

To-day Lily and I have spent hauling out all 
our decorations from our trunks and have been 
backwards and forwards from our homes to 
our studios (two large rooms, opening into 
each other, with big folding doors). They were 
very bare looking places yesterday; but to-day, 
you would not know them. Late this after- 
noon, when I left, tired and weary with our day's 
work, they looked bright and charming and 
very fetching with draperies and pictures 
everywhere. Pleasant little nooks with easy 
cushions, easels and all the implements of our 
deadly art at hand. Marion Welsh came in for 
afternoon tea and to give us a helping hand. 
She has promised to sit for me immediately 
and says she expects to spend half her days in 
our entrancing quarter. Lily is to start on Mr. 
Wood's portrait to-morrow. He says he is 
going to pose looking straight into Lily's eyes 
and he is quite sure there will be reflected there 
such a handsome creature that the portrait will 
be stunning. Lily says if he does not behave 
himself she will make a very true, hideous 
portrait of him. Then I hear a scuffle and 



1()8 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

demands for an apology; if a kiss is given, lie 
will forgive and not unless. Then a refusal to 
give this and so on till, at last, I hear a very 
suspicious sound. 

Do you think, dear, that our paintings will 
amount to much if this continues every day ? 
1 tell Lily we must come down to serious work; 
she says she is and has begun already. 

Of course, Sir Lionel came in and I intro- 
duced him to Marion ; now for my little man- 
oeuvres. You see I have Marion coming every 
day and it will be impossible for Sir Lionel to 
see me alone. Then let them be together and 
1 intend to try and leave them often alone. 
Two such charming people cannot fail to like 
each other. Let propinquity do the rest. 

I am deeply interested in my little plot. I 
wonder what Sir Lionel would say if he knew 
how deep and dark my schemes against him. 
Take alarm and refuse to enter into them? But, 
dear, this to you. I will be a wise woman and 
keej) my plans to myself and let him think, 
when the happy consummation comes, he did 
it all himself. Do you know, sweetheart, you 
men, poor, deluded creatures, though you think 
you lead yourselves, there is always some 
woman who can lead you by the nose. Witness 
what I do with \()U. 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 1 ()i) 

We had our first afternoon tea, all of us 
together, a little topsy-turvy, of course, as 
nothing could be found. But somehow we 
managed to get our cups of tea and to enjoy 
them as never before. We hear our friends are 
very much interested in our doings and that 
it is to be quite the thing to come of an after- 
noon to our studio, and many intend risking 
having their faces put down on canvas by us. 
To-day we each had a surprise for the other, 
presents we had brought each other. I gave 
Lily a diamond pin for her hair and she to 
me a pearl pendant. Mr. Wood and Sir Lionel 
charmed us with beautiful etchings of different 
places we had • visited. These we hung up all 
around the studio and had the greatest time 
hanging them where each one of us thought 
they ought to be. I feared we would come to 
blows sometimes. 

Several invitations came to-day to dinners, 
theatre parties, receptions, balls, etc., but I do 
so hate to go to them without you. Balls I 
shall eschew ; a working woman has no time 
for these and I must be up betimes to properly 
attend to the faces of my friends. Lily says I 
must not give up everything, especially as I 
have so many pretty gowns and indeed, dear, 
I do feel like donning these. So I find myself 



170 SOMK LKTTERS OF AN AMICKICAN WOMAN 

promising to go to a few dinners, operas, thea- 
tres, etc., but nothing or none of them can be 
you, dear, I could be satisfied in the wilds if 
you were only there. I might sometimes get a 
little longing for my French confections, and 
Lily says she knows I would come hurrying 
back wanting all the good things our big cities 
give. And that, though I do not think so, we 
would soon, if left alone, never to see her or our 
friends, tear each other's eyes out. She knows 
she would. I cannot in my wildest dreams 
believe it, dear. But still for us all I suppose 
it is best we should mix with others, too ; then 
we can appreciate each other so much more. 

You seem to be getting worried over Sir 
Lionel's attentions to me — you say you know 
I mean nothing but what is good and right, 
and that you think he does, too; only this, you 
think he is drifting on a dangerous shore and 
that no one could be near me long you know 
and not love me. " Be careful " you say, "not 
to make him suffer, as he must if he once con- 
ceives a hopeless passion for you. Once fallen 
into this no man could extricate himself, nor 
would he want to. He would rather die first." 
You dear, dearest, of old things, you look at 
things concerning me from your own point, and 
this I feel sure of. Sir Lionel knows how to take 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 17l 

care of himself and is not going to be such a 
great goose as to fall into a pit with eyes open. 
Nobody wants to suffer knowingly. This from 
the first time he met me, he knew, that I loved 
my husband truly, dearly, and that it would be 
madness for any man to expect aught of me 
but friendship. If I were unhappily wedded, I 
do not know, dear, how strong my morals 
might be, needing sympathy and love so very 
much. How thankful one must be that temp- 
tation has not been put before one. 

You are all my wants and needs and always 
to the end I am faithfully 

Yours. 



iiti SOMI'I LliTTEKS OF AN AMEKICAN WOMAN 



LETTER XXXII. 

Dear Heart: 

I can scarcely write for the joy that fills me to 
overflowing at the letter received from you to- 
day, telling me to join you at Nice in a month. 
Oh, my dear, can this be true ? I am almost 
frightened and think I must be sleeping, dream- 
ing, and that I will soon wake to find my joy 
fade away into thin air. I pinch myself to 
make sure I am actually awake and find I 
really can feel, my arm is black and blue, and 
at last the delightful truth seizes hold of me 
and I can scarce contain myself for very happi- 
ness, so acute it almost gives me pain. 

As it is with everything, joy and sorrow go 
hand in hand together. I have thought so 
much of this very hour that when it comes I 
can hardly believe my senses. But there, those 
dear healing happiness laden words lie written 
under my very eyes, " Meet me, my dearest, in 
a month from now in Nice ;" and then you say 
you intend to keep me close, never letting me 
out of your sight again. That you cannot 
stand it. All these friends of mine drive you 
wild. This is all balm to my heart. 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 178 

Don't you know, love, that I will be content 
just to stay beside you, feeling quite sure you 
will allow me to have a little walk once in 
awhile. How delightful, my dearest, if you and I 
could wander over the face of the globe, seeing 
all the queer and interesting things ! My taste 
of just a little travel has made me long for 
more and I can not imagine anything more 
perfect in this life than to wander round with 
you — you, with all your knowledge of the world 
and life, keen criticism, and love of travel, tak- 
ing deep interest in learning something new, are 
the most delightful, soul-satisfying of com- 
panions. I am fairly crazy with delight, I am 
to meet you soon, to feel and know you near, 
and to be in that land of my dreams — fair Italy. 
My cup is overflowing. Your letter arrived at 
breakfast, and I could scarcely eat a mouthful ; 
that very mundane function, breakfast, was not 
needed by me. Had I not your summons? 
Was it not more to me than meat or drink or 
anything else this world could give? What 
became of this earth to-day ? I do not know. 
I simply seemed lifted up, wings had been given 
me to soar above, forgetful of all the petty 
things on this earth. 

I flew to our studio, wanting to tell Lily im- 
mediately my joyful news. She was so sweet 



174 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

and kind to me and entered into my joy so 
completely though she said with tears in her 
eyes, " I will miss you so." I felt ashamed of 
myself for having forgotten in my self-centered 
joy that this meant she and I must part ; so I 
threw my arms about her and told her, no 
woman could have had a sweeter, better, 
stronger friend than she — a loyal woman to 
the core, and that there was no man in all the 
world to be more congratulated than Mr, 
Wood. She smiled through her tears and said, 
" If it were not for him, I think I could not let 
you go without me and I should have tagged 
on to you." I told her if she had been left alone 
she simply must have come with me. I made 
her talk to me about her wedding, which I told 
her must take place before I left. 

At this moment Mr. Wood came in and I 
told him of my news and that I could not con- 
tentedly go withoiit knowing Lily safe in his 
possession. He said that most decidedly he 
agreed with me and Lily must decide then and 
there the wedding day. He also told me that 
though he should miss me very much, I had 
done him an inestimable favor by settling my 
plans and departing ; that by so doing I had 
given him the greatest gift he wanted — Lily. 
He promises never to forget me and to reward 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 175 

me some day. So the day, two weeks off, is 
settled for the marriage. Lily has been very 
provoking about it, teasing Mr. Wood so— he 
could not get her to setUe anything — but, 
quietly, after he left, she told me how very 
happy she was and how glad that we had 
made her fix the day. 

Then we fell to talking about her wardrobe,and 
I am going with her to select everything, and I 
know in my present elated, joyful state of mind, 
I cannot fail to choose well for her, and have 
promised to do it if she leaves it in my hands. 
Poor Lily says that now she has promised to 
become a married woman within two weeks, 
she is all upset and hardly knows black from 
white. I will see that she is one of the most 
lovely of brides, and with the most perfect of 
outfits. 

This is all to be done in two weeks,; but, 
dear, I cannot tell you how glad I am to have 
my hands full, for my joy is so great at the 
thought of so soon joining, seeing you, actually 
in the flesh, I think I should jump out of my 
skin if it were not I shall be so busy. 

And so Lily's and my studio life is to come 
to an end ! We have enjoyed our pleasant hours 
together there so much ; and really, dear, some 
of our paintings are decidedly good. Several 



17() SOMIi LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

of our friends have turned out quite good look- 
ing under our hands, on canvas. I decided it 
was best to flatter everyone, be they ugly or 
good looking. 

Marion Welsh made a beautiful study. Sir 
Lionel not so good ; he was so restless. I have 
tried so hard to bring those two together, but 1 
fear without success ; and I had so flattered 
myself that I was a good matchmaker. I know 
they would suit each other, but both seem to 
have other views. Some disagreeable, good- 
looking young man has turned up and attached 
hirhself to Marion, and I can see how the wind 
blows ; they are mutually attracted and, of 
course, there will soon be another wedding. Sir 
Lionel will not take to anyone, and frequently 
laughs at me, and says : " My dear madam, 
I think you had better leave these little games 
alone ; they are deeper than either you or I can 
see ; fate alone can adjust them, and frequently 
even she does it very badly, being often a most 
cruel arbiter." 

He says, often it is most hard to witness 
others happiness and to know oneself outside — 
that he had once dreamed of a happy day to 
come, when he would have the woman he loved 
beside him. She was to be the finest of all 
women, dearest, truest, loveliest — but now he 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 177 

knew this dream of his was dead. I told him 
this was all nonsense ; there were many lovely 
women, beautiful women, in the world, and that 
he must find one just suited to himself. This, 
he says, he has seen and found, but she is not 
for him. He makes me very uneasy, and I 
shall be so glad when I hear he is married, and 
I do so hope it may be some time soon. I 
am to meet him to-night at Mrs. Van Alen's 
dinner, and I shall tell him then of my great 
joy. Somehow I feel a little worried ; I hope 
this is foolish. Oh, dearest, with all the joy in 
my heart, I love, and am until we meet and 
afterwards, 

Yours. 



178 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 



LETTER XXXIII. 

Oh, my darling, I have something- so dread- 
ful to tell you. I felt a little uneasy before I 
went to Mrs. Van Alen's dinner last night, fear- 
ing Sir Lionel might be a little upset when he 
heard I was so soon to leave here, and my great 
joy be consummated in meeting you once more. 

I knew he had no right to be upset and that 
I had always been most careful to tell him of 
my love for you, and, besides, I knew him to be 
one of the truest of men, but, even so, dear, 
they sometimes fall in love when it were better 
not. I was taken into dinner by Mr, Van Alen, 
and, of course, had to talk most of the time to 
him, and it was not until dinner was half over 
that I could turn to Sir Lionel. Then I told 
him of your letter, and all my joyful, overflow- 
ing delight. 

For a moment he grew pale to the very lips, 
and then said, " Believe me, I wish you all the 
happiness you deserve, but it is hard for your 
friends to see you go, especially one who has 
deemed it the greatest honor he has ever had 
to hold a place among them. Ah, you are go- 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 179 

ing out of my life and I may never see you 
again." Tliis I told him was foolish, I felt 
quite sure we would meet again, and when that 
happy time came I could bring you two to- 
gether, and I knew you would be friends, and 
you would be most grateful to him for his kind- 
ness to me in your absence. He muttered some- 
thing under his breath and asked me to please 
stop. I was getting very nervous, his face was 
ashy white and I noticed he was taking glass 
after glass of champagne. 

Mr. Van Alen turned to me again and I had 
no other chance during the dinner to address a 
word to Sir Lionel. I had promised early in 
the evening he should take me home and now 
I was quite worried. What was I to do ? Oh 
if you were only there. But I had to face this 
all myself ; it was terrible. His poor suffering 
face appalled me and I realized this man loved 
me deeply, truly, with an abiding love. Of 
course he ought not, had no right, and I had 
given him no encouragement. Still the fact re- 
mained and he suffered. This I felt sure. He 
was really good and true and it was one 
of those sad happenings that no one could be 
blamed for. 

I hoped that perhaps he would go home after 
dinner and leave me to drive to my apartment 



180 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

alone. Lily was spending the night with me 
but she would have retired and my nervousness 
was growing to a high pitch as I watched Sir 
Lionel's white face. He was brilliant ; talked 
as I had never heard him talk before. Still I 
noticed the many glasses of champagne he 
drank. To all appearances he was himself 
save for his white face and bright eyes. Din- 
ner over, the women adjourned to the parlors, 
where we were soon joined by the men. Sir 
Lionel sang a few songs for us, which he can do 
so well, told some brilliant tales, and all said 
the evening was so unusually bright and 
pleasant. 

The time for leaving came and Sir Lionel 
stepped forward and said, *' Don't forget your 
promise to allow me to escort you." I tried to 
dissuade him from coming with me, but he 
would take no refusal, so with quaking heart I 
entered my coupe with him. All the drive to 
my apartment he was quiet, I only wished he 
would speak, the quiet was so ominous and I 
felt and knew he was wrought up to a pitch of 
excitement. 

When we reached my door I said good night 
and hoped he would leave, but he pushed past 
me into the hall, and then into the drawing 
room. Then in fast words he began to talk, 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 181 

telling me how he loved me. I tried to stop 
him, telling him he must not say these things 
to me ; I was a married woman and loved my 
husband. This seemed to anger him beyond 
endurance, and he said, "Oh, yes, you are a 
perfect woman, nothing that you ever did can 
be brought against you, you are good and true, 
and love your husband, but do you know this? 
Your very ways, your very thoughts, and self 
drove me almost wild with love, using all your 
wiles, ways, words, smiles, unconsciously, I 
know. You were yourself — you could not help 
it, but still you used those very weapons, and 
now how dare you blame me? Tell your husband 
that I love you, love you — that what he saw in 
you I beheld, and hate him because he owns 
you. Had I come first he should be the one 
now suffering, for no power on earth should 
have held you from me. I am almost mad 
enough to-night to seize you, and bear you off 
to where no one could find you." 

I felt myself trembling from head to foot ; 
the air was heavy and I could scarcely think, 
but this to my mind did come — the justice of 
his words, I had never dreamed of doing this, 
but like all my sex, liked to enjoy the moment 
and please my friends, both men and women 
(the former most, I fear), and perhaps unknown 



182 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

ingly, unconsciously, had attracted Sir Lionel, 
and a great pity seized me for him. 

At first I had felt indignant, could have torn 
him limb from limb. Did he not know I loved 
you ? And how dared he say such words of 
love to me? But now the deepest sorrow for 
him filled me. What — was I to touch a man so 
deeply, and the pain and grief in his face rent 
my heart. I knew that I, though unwit- 
tingly, had made a human creature suffer, 
wounded him so sorely that I feared he 
would never recover. The scar would be there 
always. 

At this thought I could have screamed with 
pain myself. The strings around my heart 
seemed to tighten, tighten, to almost strangle 
me. From a baby I have hated to give another 
suflfering, or see another suffer pain, and here 
before me stood a man to whom I had given the 
acutest anguish. I could hardly stand, and stag- 
gered to a chair and said, " Please forgive me." 
At these words he seemed to soften, the tears 
came to his eyes, he dropped into a chair, 
leaned his head upon the table and burst into 
the deepest sobs I have ever heard, but this, 
thank God, I felt saved his brain. There is 
nothing so awful as to see a strong man cry ; 
it is not weakness, it is the depth of misery. 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 183 

My heart seemed to stand still ; I could say no 
more. This wreck was frightful. 

Soon when his passion was spent, he gath- 
ered himself together and cried, "My God! 
what have I said? Believe me, I am mad to- 
night, and do not know what I say. You ask 
me to forgive you, but this I answer, there is 
nothing to forgive. It is all my fault. You are 
perfect, faultless, and your very faithfulness to 
your love is what I love, and I would not have 
you otherwise." 

With this he got up and moved towards the 
door, saying," God bless and keep you always," 
and he was gone. How long I sat there stunned 
I do not know. The night was stormy and the 
wind was gathering force, but this I noticed as 
I at last managed to creep up stairs. Sir Lionel 
had left his coat and gone out in the awful 
night unprotected. He had a cough, too, this 
I dimly remembered. At last I reached my room 
and fell upon my bed weeping — exhausted. 
But this I felt, dear — I had never meant to hurt 
him or to let him love me, and had simply been 
myself. How often, dear, you have told me 
this was why you loved me so ; I was just a child 
of nature. Beloved, I think I must unlearn 
this, or you must keep me safe with you. 
Dearest, you must never again let me leave 



184 SOME LETTERS OF AX AMERICAN WOMAN 

you. Keep me safe and tight within your 
arms. No one else must suffer through me. 
and oh, my husband, how I love you. 
Until we meet again, and ever, 

Yours. 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 185 



LETTER XXXIV. 

Oh, my dear, the past few days have been 
so dreadful I can scarcely write about them, 
but to you I must tell everything. All that is 
in my heart you must know. I almost feel 
myself one of the deepest sinners to have 
caused so much sorrow and suffering to a true 
and noble man. But, dear, I never meant it ; 
yet how weak and shallow those words look 
and sound. No matter what I meant— this I 
did in my foolish, selfish, cruel thoughtlessness 
— made another suffer agony. I feel as if I 
could never forgive myself. Oh ! my own, how 
I want you near me, here, just beside me to let 
me tell you all. Don't you know I am suffer- 
ing, love ; don't you know I want you ? I can 
scarcely bear this pain and must tell you all the 
grief that is gnawing at my heart. I who love 
you deeply, deeply, let another suffer for the 
want of me. Where were my eyes, oh ! my 
husband, that I did not see what was coming, 
what was patent to all beholders ? 

Dearest, in my cruel egotism, thinking only 
of my love for you, I was regardless of all others. 
My eyes were holden and I could not see. This 



186 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMA>i 

disaster — the punishment meted out to my self- 
inflicted bHndness — but the deepest woe of all, 
that the cruel nemesis should descend on an- 
other's head. I still have you and belong to 
you and my cruel heart even now, bounds with 
joy that you still live and love me and that soon 
I can rest my weary, tired self in your arms and 
you will listen, listen to my woes and gently 
answer, showing me where I made mistakes 
and soothing all my troubles till like a tempest- 
tossed fluttering bird, I rest quietly in my nest 
— your heart. 

Dearest, yet I have not told you all ; the 
saddest and yet perhaps the best for him, is yet 
to come. Oh, my dear, how can I write the 
words I must. They look so cold and hard on 
paper. I want to hide my head upon your 
heart and there, without looking up, sob 
out all this dreadful tale. Then, perhaps, a little 
ease would come. 

Two days passed after Sir Lionel left me on 
that fateful night, and I heard nothing. His coat 
remained in the hall and I hated to pass it by. 
It seemed an avenging dumb thing pointing to 
me as the author of its master's woe, Lily, 
sweetest, best of women, stayed with me and 
reasoned with me, telling me I must not take it 
as I did. That I was not to be blamed, I could 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 187 

not help being- just myself and that this I had 
been always and should be — true to myself and 
you. ** This " she said, " is certain, no husband 
should be separated from his wife, especially 
such a one as you, dear, and I intend to write 
to Harry if he wishes to keep other men from 
loving you and letting your dear self fall into 
trouble he had better quit the navy and stay at 
home looking after his own. What does the 
navy mean ? Does it wish to upset homes and 
bring woe to honest peoples' hearts ? They 
should let you go, dear, and stay where you are 
meant to be, just alongside of dear Harry. I 
dare say you will bring trouble there, too, but 
there is where you have got to be and must 
stay." Even at the direst moment Lily sees 
the humorous side, but she is so kind and sweet. 
As we were talking Mr. Wood came. He 
looked sad and stern. We both jumped up 
and exclaimed, "What is the matter?" He 
answered, " Sir Lionel is ill ; very ill with pneu- 
monia, at times he is delirious, and," turning to 
me, " calls for you constantly. At times he is 
conscious and knows people about him. Dur- 
ing one of these intervals he asked to speak to 
me and then told me if I thought you would 
not mind, to tell you he thought he was dying, 
and the greatest favor you could do him would 



188 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

be to let him see you for just one moment, so 
that he could enter into that land beyond with 
the sweet remembrance that your face was the 
last he had seen on this shore and that you had 
smiled your forgiveness for his reckless words 
and the pain he had given you. He could not 
die unless you said, ' I forgive you ! ' " 

Mr. Wood had a carriage at the door and 
asked Lily to come with me. Dearest, of course 
I went. I knew you would wish it and say it 
was right. But, dear, I was fairly strangled 
with grief, this great good man suffering so for 
me and asking my forgiveness when I felt I had 
so much to be forgiven. Fortunately we found 
Sir Lionel in one of his conscious moments, but 
very, very weak. The nurse drew me aside and 
said, " Madam, try to control yourself and be 
very gentle and quiet with my patient, give in 
to everything he says for his life is fast ebbing 
and it may be he has only minutes yet to live. 
For a moment I felt choked ; then a quiet came 
upon me and I knew I could face anything, 
even death ; I must not falter in this the most 
trying moment of all my life. I would not be 
the woman you or anybody could love if I could 
not give the comfort needed by a dying man. 
So with steady steps I walked over to the bed- 
side and leaned over Sir Lionel's head. 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 189 

It was terrible ; he looked so wan and mar- 
ble-like, I scarcely knew his face, but as I looked, 
his eyes opened and a smile so beautiful and 
still lit up his face as he recognized me. He 
tried to take my hand in his feeble grasp and 
whispered, " Please forgive me." I could have 
screamed with pain at this, his deep unselfish- 
ness, forgetful of all but me even in this hour 
of death. I threw myself upon my knees and 
leaned over his proud and noble head and kissed 
him, saying, " Forgive ! There is nothing for 
me to forgive, only this : I ask your forgive- 
ness and your parting blessing, which I shall 
value all my life as the greatest gift you, my 
truest friend, could give." 

A light came over his face and with super- 
human strength, he seemed to raise himself and 
said these words : " God bless you, and keep 
you. I thank Him for the privilege that He 
vouchsafed me in letting my poor unworthy 
self own you for a friend, and pass a few months 
of this weary life near you. Give this message 
to your husband, tell him to keep you and love 
you and hold you dear, as I know he does, and 
that when he and I meet on that shore upon 
which my feet now stand, he can tell me what 
I would rather hear than possess all the joys 
of the eternal kingdom, * I filled her life with 



190 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 

love and happiness.' " With these magnificent, 
unselfish words, he sank back upon the pillow, 
dead. 

Dearest, how I got home, how the rest of the 
day was passed is all a dream to me. As I look 
back upon those few days after Sir Lionel's 
death they seem a hideous nightmare. A quiet 
little funeral took place at his rooms, his family 
sent for his remains and 'they have been for- 
warded to England. Oh, my darling, to think 
how near joy and sorrow meet in this world. I 
am going to you, the very centre of my life and 
being, and yet that awful sorrow stands so near 
me, the pain I gave another. Ah, my dearest, 
I must hide myself in you and you must keep 
me ever near you. I feel almost wicked at the 
joy that fills me when I know day after to-mor- 
row I sail to join you. Oh the longed for 
blessed meeting. Of course Lily and Mr. 
Wood would not think of a large wedding 
after Sir Lionel's sad death, and were married 
yesterday quietly with just a few friends. They 
left in the afternoon for the West. 

Lily and I could hardly speak when we 
said not good bye but "auf wiedersehen," and 
to-night I feel so very lonely without her, my 
dearest and best of friends. We are to write 
often and just as soon as we can we are all, you 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 191 

and I, Lily and Mr. Wood to arrange to meet 
in some charming spot. 

Dearest, the joy of my heart and crown of 
all my desires is to be granted ; I am to be 
with you, dear, always — always. 

Yours. 



192 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 



LETTER XXXV. 

Dearest Lily : 

To think I am really here with the joy of my 
life, my best, and truest, and dearest of hus- 
bands. As he clasped me to his heart I think I 
never .saw a deeper or more thankful expression 
on any man's face. 

" I thank God I have you at last," he said, 
" I never mean to let you leave me again, I can- 
not let you go, you must not be allowed to 
get into these awful troubles all by yourself. 
Who could help loving you ? No man worth 
the name, but you are mine and I must protect 
my own. To think you are really mine, and 
that I hold you here, within my arms, fills me 
with the deepest joy, and I thank God for this 
— the greatest blessing a man could have, to 
have and hold you for his own." 

Dear Lily, you can now enter into my joy 
and understand how happy I am beyond all 
words. I talk, talk, and I think I never will 
stop, but then you see I have the most splendid 
of listeners who never tires. I see his dear face 
smile as he listens and his arms tighten round 



CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 193 

me and sometimes he starts and says, " Is it 
true, I have you once again ? Thank God it is 
so, and this I know, you shall never, never leave 
my side more ; you shall have the most careful 
of watchers now, my darling." I smile and sigh 
and rest content upon his shoulder, knowing as 
I never knew before what that peace beyond 
all understanding means. That perfect joy and 
sympathy that exists between the hearts of true 
lovers. 

Dear, now for my little piece of joyful news. 
Harry, as you know, knows much about civil 
engineering, and the government has much 
need of his services in this direction, and so 
has asked him to resign his sea life and under- 
take some engineering work for them. This he 
has accepted and he says I can always be with 
him, living not far distant from his work. I may 
often have to rough it, but what of that. We 
will be together and there where he is my home 
is, always, and must be the sweetest and best 
place on earth. 

Dearest Lily, your letter pleased me so, and 
I am more than content to know you are so 
happy. This I knew — you would be, for the 
power of loving is so great within you, and 
what a blessing to a man you are. No one is 
half good enough for you, but this I feel sure 



194 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN. 

of — Mr. Wood comes nearest my require- 
ments for you, and he I know will make you 
happy and bring your life that sweetest of all 
joys — the love of a true man. 

Dear, I am to have what I have longed for so 
often, a trip through Italy and the East with my 
husband. He is to have a few months' holiday 
before he begins work and we intend to enjoy 
ourselves to the full. What a delight it would 
be if you and Mr. Wood could join us. Think 
it over, dear, for I know we would have the 
most perfect of times. 

Dearest, I hear my husband calling me ; we 
are going for a drive, so I must close, but know 
this always, you are my best and warmest friend 
and no one else can fill that spot in my heart ; 
and I thank you most heartily and grate- 
fully, for all you have been, and are in my life. 
Give my warm love and remembrance to Mr. 
Wood. 

As ever j'^our sincerest friend, 

Genevieve. 



THE END, 



my 101902 



L BRARY OF CONGRESS f;-^^ 

,11111 ^ 




